Iran Hopes Israel Doesn’t Strike Landing Sites For Pallets Of Cash From US

“They obviously wouldn’t hit an American aircraft, or the plane of an allied country – that’s more our thing.”

Tehran, May 6 – Officials of the Islamic Republic voiced their concerns this week that their facilities to receive anticipated windfalls of hard currency from the Biden administration require better security and defense arrangements in case the Jewish State decides to hit those facilities to deprive Tehran of the ability to accept those deliveries.

Sources within the  Aviation Department of Iran’s Ministry of Transportation, speaking on background Wednesday, told a reporter that while the regime expects at least one shipment of dozens, if not hundreds, of millions of dollars in cash, just as occurred under the Obama administration in the leadup to the 2015 nuclear deal, this time around, they do not expect Israel to remain complacent in allowing such hefty resources to arrive safely. The officials expect Israel to strike one or more landing sites for the pallets of cash, currency that Iran will use to further the Islamic republic’s hegemonic ambitions and its direct support of international terrorism.

“We know the Biden people are the same as the Obama people,” explained one official. “We know that, for whatever naïve, misguided, or distorted reasons, they want to legalize and smooth our path to nuclear weapons, as if they will bring peace, which I suppose it will, once we’ve destroyed the Zionist Entity and ushered in the serenity that everyone knows prevailed when there was no Zionist Entity – I mean, that’s like basic twentieth-century history – the Biden folks want to lick our backsides and will pay us for the privilege. As far as we’re concerned it’s win-win, in the sense that we win twice over: we get to keep our nuclear weapons program AND we get to keep extending our reach across the region and basically controlling Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, and Yemen, plus the Gaza Strip and parts of Afghanistan.”

“But we also know the Israelis have been upping their operations to foil our ambitions,” acknowledged the official. “So we have to anticipate they will try to interdict the incoming pallets of cash. They obviously wouldn’t hit an American aircraft, or the plane of an American-allied country, so they wouldn’t shoot it down – that’s more our thing, anyway – but they might be able to prevent the flights from taking place to begin with by cratering all the relevant runways, or destroying all the forklifts in the country, or something. We have to be paranoid. They’ve compromised every sensitive military apparatus. Wait, is that microphone an assault ri-”

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