Iran Insists Sunken Frigate Actually On Important Underwater Mission

“The decoy operation was a complete success.”

Credit FARS

Tehran, June 2 – An Iranian navy vessel that caught fire under mysterious circumstances today and sank is in fact conducting important undersea operations, and not, as Zionist propaganda would have you believe, lying under hundreds of meters of water in the Gulf of Oman, Iranian defense officials insisted Wednesday.

Witnesses saw the IRIS Kharg, the largest vessel in Iran’s navy, catch fire and sink Wednesday morning off the Iranian coast near Bandar Abbas. Official acknowledgement of the incident by the IRIN was slow in coming, and consisted not of concern, condolences, or promises of investigation, but of assurances that while the Jewish-owned and -controlled media maintains that some mishap, or even attack, caused the ship to go down, in reality the Kharg possesses advanced submarine capabilities and even now is proceeding in its mission to thwart the imperialist ambitions of the US and Israel.

“Pay no heed to disinformation by the Zionist-ruled ‘news’ organizations,” admonished Deputy Minister of Defense of Naval Affairs Daoud Jownz. “The provocateurs are trying to sow instability and undermine the people’s confidence in our noble, capable leadership, but they will fail. What appears to the uninitiated, unfaithful, and mendacious enemy as a fire and sinking of our largest warship will come back to haunt them, because the sailors aboard the Kharg, far from abandoning ship as the lying western press will tell you, are still on board that mighty vessel, traveling underwater to strike unsuspecting enemy targets.”

“I am now at liberty to reveal that the ‘sinking’ of the Kharg was a subterfuge to deflect enemy attention from the still-very-much-intact, still-operational fighting ship,” boasted IRIN Admiral Bilj Ballast. “The decoy operation was a complete success, and our opponents still believe the actual Kharg lies submerged off the coast. They will not know what hit them!”

Admiral Ballast dismissed claims of the rescued sailors that the Kharg had caught fire and forced them to abandon the vessel. “Those are enemy agents. they are liars,” he declared. “We will interrogate them appropriately to determine which of our despicable Zionist enemies employs them, and then mete out the proper sentence due such treachery.”

Experts voiced skepticism of the official Iranian claim, but allowed for the possibility it contains some truth. “Iran can’t keep its ships afloat or its infrastructure functioning, we know that,” observed analyst Peter Principal. “Look what happened last year with the ‘American aircraft carrier’ mock-up that got permanently stuck at the entrance to one of their harbors and is now a hazard to all the shipping in the area. So yeah, that all would be the perfect cover for some competence.”

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