Iran Says US Ships Harassed By Its Vessels Dressed Provocatively

“Sailing into this area wearing nothing but an American flag and expecting to be left alone is disingenuous at the very least.”

Tehran – Officials of the Islamic Republic today dismissed allegations that its small craft had come dangerously close Wednesday to American warships patrolling the Straits of Hormuz, with the assertion that those US vessels were basically asking for it by the way they dressed.

Deputy Minister of Defense Wazasqin Foriht told the few foreign media personalities still allowed in Iran that the American ships were moving in broad daylight with only a small garment that revealed everything above the waterline and left nothing to the imagination, a clear indication that they welcomed the treatment.

“When a vessel travels around attired like that she should expect staring, comments, gestures, and other behaviors that proceed logically from that manner of attire,” he asserted. “No self-respecting ship with any sense of modesty, dignity, or healthy mores, and with even a modicum of intelligence guiding her, will fail to appreciate that sashaying into the Persian Gulf in that fashion will inevitably result in those behaviors from other vessels.”

The incident in question involved small Iranian naval craft that made multiple approaches to US vessels on escort and patrol duty in the Persian Gulf – also known as the Arabian Gulf – to protect crude oil shipping and other American interests in the region, where tensions with Iran have remained high for decades. The craft came as close as ten meters to the American ships, increasing the risk of collision and casualties.

Forhit noted that the incident represents not the first time American ships have invited the same reactions from Iranian vessels. “The first time our boats meted out this treatment to American ships one could have entertained the notion that the Americans, steeped in immodesty as they are, did not understand,” he allowed. “But having given them the same treatment on many occasions over the last decade, since the heyday of the Obama administration, one can only assume they already know the rules and are therefore inviting what they now hypocritically call ‘harassment.’ Sailing into this area wearing nothing but an American flag and expecting to be left alone is disingenuous at the very least.”

Progressive activists have yet to issue any statements on the incident. A member of one such organization who spoke on condition of anonymity disclosed that her colleagues feel torn between the values of protecting the right to dress as one pleases and the axiom that anything a Westerner does is oppressive by definition and therefore indefensible.

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