COVID19: Iranian Authorities Warn Public Against Conspiracy Theories That Don’t Blame Jews

The widely-accepted vector of coronavirus to humans, that of a “wet market” in China where various exotic animals are sold as food, fails to account for Jewish evil.

Tehran, April 2 – Public health and security officials in the Islamic Republic sought to emphasize existing guidelines today regarding the dissemination of information, cautioning citizens to give credence to, or to spread reports of, cabals manipulating events behind the scenes only if those reports involve Zionist cabals, or at least Jewish ones.

Spokesmen for the Ministry of Information and Ministry of Public Safety issued statements Thursday warning Iranians of conspiracy theories in which Jews play no major part, and instructing them to disregard any such irresponsible reports.

“Lies will not help us in this stressful time,” stated Deputy Minister of Information Ayman Asshat. “The challenges facing our country and society amid the coronavirus crisis are formidable enough without our getting distracted or deluded by non-credible ideas such as Jews not being involved in something this big, this destructive. I urge our citizens to take the responsible route and only accept conspiracy theories in which the evil, manipulative parties are those of the Zionist enemy and its ethnic brethren.”

“Please do not confuse ‘The US created coronavirus as a weapon against Iran and Islam’ with the idea that it wasn’t the Jews,” added Ministry of Public Safety spokesman Smelav Fartz. “Our knowledge that the coronavirus is an American invention in no way negated or diminishes the reality that the tentacles of the Elders of Zion control American government, policy, and decisions. While combating the pathogen on the medical and public health front, we must not lose sight of who bears ultimate responsibility. In this case that would be the same entity that bear responsibility for everything else negative that happens in this world. Our leaders will continue to work toward the elimination of this threat from our region and from the world at large. The Holocaust never happened, by the way. No one could be that evil. Its appearance in history books is yet another machination of the same entity that must be exterminated.”

Asshat and Fartz also noted that the widely-accepted vector of coronavirus to humans, that of a “wet market” in China where various exotic animals are sold as food, fails to account for Jewish evil. “Just as we demand the world view every global issue of importance through the lens of Zionist oppression of Palestinians, we must also seek the proper angle on this phenomenon,” they asserted. “An engineered bio-weapon is probably the best candidate for that here, but we remain open to other possibilities, such as Mossad-trained bats.”

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