Iranian Forces In Syria Having Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day

They think they’ll move to Afghanistan.

Aleppo, May 10 – Shiite militias in Syria went to bed with a nuclear deal protecting them and now it’s blown up in their face and when they got out of bed this morning they tripped over a land mine and by mistake dropped their turban in the sink while the water was running and they could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day.

At breakfast Israel found a startup exit in its cereal box and the US found a North Korean concession in its cereal box but all the militias found was cereal.

They think they’ll move to Afghanistan.

In maneuvers Russia let Assad take the high ground. Kurdish forces and Islamist rebels got high ground too. The militias said they were getting scrunched. They said they were getting smushed. They said if they don’t get the high ground they were going to suffer casualties. No one even answered.

They could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day.

In briefings a Tehran spokesman liked the Basij beating and looting better than the militia’s beating and looting.

At shooting time he said they shot too little. At ethnic cleansing time he said they left out raping. Who needs raping? They could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day.

They could tell because Hezbollah said they weren’t best friends anymore. Hezbollah said Amal was its best friend and that Hamas was its next best friend and that the militia was its third best friend.

We hope you get bombed by the IAF, the militia said to Hezbollah. We hope the next time you launch an offensive your ordnance goes off prematurely and launches you all the way to Afghanistan.

There were double rations in UNRWA’s lunch bag and Turkey got a bonus and Ayatollah Khamenei himself promised leave to IRGC personnel. Guess whom the mullahs forgot to give any perks?

It was a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day.

That’s what it was, because later they went to have their equipment inspected and the officers found logistical incompetence just in them. Fix it by next month, ordered the officer.

Next month, they said, they’re going to Afghanistan.

On the way to training the armored carrier hatch got caught on their fingers and while they were waiting for orders Hezbollah made a feint and made them fall and get muddy, and they started crying because of the shame and Assad said they were crybabies and the orders came while the militia was shooting at Hezbollah and the Iranian liaisons scolded them for being muddy and fighting.

We are having a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day, they told everybody. No one even answered.

So then they went to have some equipment refitted. The IDF already had the latest technology. Russian air power got powerful bombs. The militia chose weapons from abandoned American equipment looted by ISIS from the Iraqi Army, but the quartermaster from Iran said there were no more. They were forced to accept old Soviet castoffs, but said no one can make them use them.

When they picked up new recruits the liaison said no hazing, but they forgot. He also said watch out for land mines, and they were as careful as they could be except for the right flank. He said don’t fool around with the communications equipment, but they think they called Afghanistan. The liaison said please don’t take new recruits anymore.

It was a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day.

There was goat jerky for dinner and they hate goat jerky.

There was Arab Idol on TV and they hate Arab Idol.

The weather was too hot, they got Israeli smoke in their eyes, their lucky rial fell into a wadi, and they had to wear old uniforms. They hate old uniforms.

When they went to bed Hezbollah took back the blankets it said they could keep and the air defense radar burned out and they bit their tongue.

The donkeys want to sleep with ISIS, not with them.

It has been a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day.

The Ayatollah says some days are like that.

Even in Afghanistan.

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