Israeli ‘Genocide’ Of Palestinians Seen As Model To Boost Population Growth

“We might just request that the IDF occupy us as well.”

Amman, August 25 – Countries facing a demographic crisis now seek out the input of those responsible for genocide of the Palestinians in a decades-long process that has resulted in a tenfold increase in that demographic, experts observe.

Population statistics scholars noted this week a developing trend among states with populations that reproduce at lower than the replacement rate, or which require demographic growth that exceeds the current projections in order to maintain economic sustainability: find out whatever it is that Israel has done with its widely-decried mass-extermination of Palestinians, which has boosted the Palestinian population nine hundred percent in just over seven decades, according to Palestinian and United Nations figures, and implement that.

“Most people naturally assume genocide results in population reduction,” explained Prince Hussein Abu Bakr of Jordan, who runs a royal task force on the subject. “That holds true for most, but not all, genocides: of Jews in Europe, of course, but also of Armenians in the Ottoman Empire; of Tutsi in Rwanda; of Ukrainians under Stalin; and of Uighurs under Communist China, just to name a few. But the curious exception remains Palestinians under Israeli occupation, which, despite ethnic cleansing, indiscriminate killing, poisoned water and air, and countless other things human rights activists have told us Israel is doing to them, have seen only exponential growth, both in the occupied territories and the refugee camps elsewhere. That phenomenon got us thinking: we should do to our own people whatever it is Israel is doing to genocide the Palestinians, because that’s the outcome we want to see.”

The prince also noted that Israel’s reported mass-abuse and killing of Palestinian children has, counterintuitively, resulted in a Palestinian population younger overall than the global average. “It’s unlike any genocide I’ve ever studied before,” he confessed. “I really, really need to know how they did this, because it could seriously help us address our aging demographic and the potential economic sustainability issues that presents.”

States beyond the Middle East have also taken an interest. “We’re in the midst of an impending demographic bust, so this is an important experience to draw on,” acknowledged Danish Minister of the Interior Sven Larssen. “I’ve already contacted colleagues in Israel to determine how modular or scalable their methodology is. Push comes to shove, we might just request that the IDF occupy us as well. We could use some of that Israeli ‘genocide’ magic.”

Please support our work through Patreon.