Israeli Threat To ‘Bomb Lebanon Back To Stone Age’ If Attacked More Appealing To Lebanese Than Hezbollah Rule

“Which features, exactly, of post-stone-age life do we enjoy at present?”

Beirut, June 15 – Israel’s Minister of Defense last week that if the Iranian proxy that exerts effective control over this country of 5.6 million dares to drag its neighbor to the south into all-out armed conflict, Lebanon will face bombardment so destructive that only a semblance of modern technology and life will remain – a prospect that residents of Lebanon admitted seems better than continuing to live in a country where Iran’s imperialist policies have transformed the “Paris on the Mediterranean” of last century into a failed state, media sources reported today.

Yoav Galant made the threat last Tuesday amid rising tensions on Israel’s northern border. Egged on by Tehran, Shiite Hezbollah has made repeated attempts to provoke Israel into a larger-scale fight than the occasional drone infiltration, or similar, that has characterized the frontier since a bloody war in 2006. Israel has made extensive, but little-discussed, preparations for renewed conflict with Hezbollah, a force that poses a much more formidable foe than in the IDF’s more-or-less biannual showdowns with the militant Sunni Islamist groups that govern the Gaza Strip. Lebanese citizens voiced their hope that Hezbollah would spark just such an overwhelming IDF response as soon as possible, not because of specific antipathy for Israel – though antisemitism and anti-Israel sentiment still run high in the region – but because nothing Israel does could make things in Lebanon any worse than the hell it already is.

“That’s actually a good idea,” remarked Ali Khouri of the Bekaa Valley. “Wreck it all and start all over. Maybe this time we’ll be lucky enough not to have the ayatollahs’ fists up our backsides, vetoing every possible exercise of our own sovereignty. I can’t think of a scenario in which getting bombed back to the stone age wouldn’t be an improvement over what Lebanon has already become.”

“Stone age sounds nice,” mused George Maliki of coastal Tyre. “We’re less inviting a target for Iran’s imperialism and colonialism if we’re back in the stone age. In the stone age, no one had buildings full of Hezbollah bomb-making materials exploding in Beirut harbor and demolishing an entire neighborhood. As it is, the financial crisis means no garbage collection, no affordable food, no reliable electricity, and iffy drinking water – which features, exactly, of post-stone-age life do we enjoy at present?”

Aides to Minister Galant rushed to clarify his remarks, aiming to dispel excitement in Lebanon that the country’s abysmal situation would improve anytime soon, at least not as a result of a Hezbollah war with Israel.

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