Israelis Puzzled That EU Thinks Anyone Can Get A Mortgage These Days

Israelis voiced confusion today after the recommendation was reported, as no one seems to be able to secure a mortgage anyway, or knows anyone who has.

French Hill, where no one can get a mortgage anyway.

Jerusalem, July 22 – A European think tank recommended that the European Union adopt sanctions against Israeli banks that provide mortgages for Israelis to acquire property in East Jerusalem, prompting Israelis to wonder how anyone could think it possible for a family to secure a mortgage nowadays in the first place.

The group recommended that the EU enforce its policy on East Jerusalem and other areas it considers occupied by Israel as a method of pressuring the Jewish State into relinquishing its claim on the whole of the city, the eastern portion of which it captured from Jordan in 1967 and immediately annexed. Israel maintains Jerusalem as its capital, but no countries keep an embassy there, and none have recognized Israeli sovereignty in the areas previously occupied by Jordan. By agreement with the Palestine Liberation Organization, the final status of Jerusalem is to be determined through negotiations between the PLO and Israel, but many EU member states have openly sided with the Palestinians and have expressed willingness to pressure Israel into various concessions. However, Israelis voiced confusion today after the recommendation was reported, as no one seems to be able to secure a mortgage anyway, or knows anyone who has.

“I’m not entirely sure what those people think is happening here, financially,” said Kfar Sava native Hayim Baadom, 36. “Everyone I know is lucky if he can get through a month without sinking further into checking account overdraft – do they think Israelis have the financial soundness that would prompt a bank to extend them decades worth of credit? What planet are they on?” The father of three, who holds down two jobs while his wife works part time, has had to defer the dream of home ownership repeatedly since getting married nine years ago, and now does not believe he will ever achieve it.

Economist Inda Redd of Tel Aviv University explained that in the current economic situation, anyone who can afford to buy a home does not need a mortgage to finance the transaction. “It’s impossible to put food on the table, maintain a place to live, save for retirement, pay for clothes, pay for education, AND somehow find the means to scrape together a down payment and then make monthly payments for twenty or thirty years,” she said. “Given the recent European experience with Greece, and the risks to the economies of Spain, Portugal, and other EU members flirting with economic disaster, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if this think tank has done any actual thinking.”

Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu, currently facing a criminal inquiry into misuse of state funds for private expenses in his four residences, is reportedly taking the threat seriously.