Jacob Swamped By Parent-Teacher Meetings

“You can bet every single person before us will run overtime and mess up all the complicated arrangements we’ve made.”

Hebron, December 17 – A local patriarch with more than a dozen offspring scrambled to find a logistical solution to numerous conflicting demands, family sources reported today, after every institution educating his children scheduled meetings between educators and parents on the same night.

Jacob, son of the venerable Isaac, found himself and the mothers of the his thirteen children unable to cover all the time slots teachers had slated for the meetings this evening, and had to call on more distant family members in hopes that the latter might prove capable of handling whatever criticism, inquiries, or comments arising from the child’s academic performance or behavior.

“I hate to ask Dad to do this – he’s very old, and basically blind,” lamented Jacob. “And I know he had his hands full every damn year with this same problem when Esau and I were kids; he should be done with this. But I don’t know whom else to enlist for this. It’s like all these schools collude to pick the most inconvenient date and time for these meetings.”

“There’s no way Leah and I can take all seven meetings for her children,” he elaborated. “That would pose a big obstacle even without the two each of Rachel, Bilhah, and Zilpah. Bilhah already has to pick up the slack for Joseph and Benjamin since Rachel died. This is insane.”

“I don’t know what we’re going to do,” agreed Leah. “I’ve got Reuben and Simeon scheduled for the same time, and managed to trade with someone else for a more reasonable time slot for Reuben, but no one agreed to switch with me, so Levi and Judah’s meetings still conflict. Issachar’s teacher has only a narrow window that I can’t fit into my schedule, and Zebulun’s teacher called our meeting for five minutes before Dinah’s. That’s not even the whole of it, because you can bet every single person before us will run overtime and mess up all the complicated arrangements we’ve made.”

“You’d think I’d have it easier than poor Leah,” remarked Zilpah. “But Gad’s science teacher wants to talk to me about his drawing lions in class instead of paying attention, and Asher’s gym teacher wants me to talk to him also, something about too much carbs and fat in the boy’s diet. I also volunteered to speak with Joseph’s teacher in Bilhah’s stead about his constant daydreaming, and I don’t know when to fit that in either.”

The children’s grandfather Isaac acknowledged the predicament facing his son and daughters-in-law, while offering some perspective. “You’re all still relatively young, so you can handle this mess somehow,” he urged. “My father was a hundred when I was born, and he had to drag his centenarian butt to parent-teacher meetings for my sake. It was such a pain, I could swear there were times he considered slaughtering me.”

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