Jews Using Space Laser To Make Man Think Jews Use Space Lasers For Mind Control

“Detached-from-reality conspiracy theories about Jewish power and nefariousness can only be explained by Jews using advanced technology to plant those theories in non-Jewish brains to discredit proper suspicion of Jews as criminal masterminds on an epic scale.”

Atlanta, May 10 – A local resident believe he has figured out the devious method by which Jews advance their malignant societal and economic agenda: using their special earth-orbiting photonic beam technology to manipulate human neural pathways such that those humans then believe their thoughts fall under the control of earth-orbiting photonic-beam projectors.

Mark Taylor Greenman, 40, clapped his hands Tuesday at the realization that he could explain his tendency toward far-fetched, manifestly-stupid conspiracy theories regarding Jews, now having figured out that the Jews use their infamous Space Laser to control his thoughts, his desires, and his very intelligence.

“This explains everything!” he declared, a look of excitement on his face that soon gave way to triumph, then frustration, then anger. “I knew it! I knew it! But that means we’re dealing with an even more sinister cabal than anyone imagined. We must do something!”

Greenman rushed to share his revelation with several colleagues online, each of whom received the news in much the same way. “Mark has hit on something profoundly disturbing,” stated Mosh Jandel, an Ohio activist. “Where do these wacky Jewish conspiracy theories come from? They make people who raise legitimate concerns of Jewish control of the media, banks, and societal institutions look like whack-jobs. They make everyday, mainstream folks who worry that the Jews are putting tracking devices and autism in vaccines seem unhinged. The phenomenon has become so widespread that it cannot be mere coincidence. No, the detached-from-reality conspiracy theories about Jewish power and nefariousness can only be explained by Jews using advanced technology to plant those theories in non-Jewish brains to discredit proper suspicion of Jews as criminal masterminds on an epic scale.”

“Now that someone’s gone and made a laughingstock of us free-thinkers for claiming Jews ran the trans-Atlantic slave trade,” lamented Minnesota activist Ohan Ilmar, “the public is primed to dismiss as ludicrous any accusations that the Jews ran the trans-Atlantic slave trade. It’s diabolically clever of the Jews to engineer that – that’s the kind of evil we’re up against.”

Greenman and his cohort have discussed strategy at length regarding how to counter the pernicious Jewish control of the anti-Jewish narrative, at each turn discovering that the Jews got there first and poisoned the rhetorical well, effectively forestalling substantive measures to curb Jewish control. “We need to discredit the Jews,” he urged. “The thing is, everyone who tries to discredit the Jews appears loony, which only discredits us. We need a space laser, too, if we’re going to emerge victorious. Somebody has to convince Elon Musk to help us build one when he’s done causing liberals to have Twitter tantrums.”

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