Khazar World Cup Team Puzzled By Antisemitic Slurs

“This is plain weird.”

Nizhny Novgorod, June 26 – Team and staff members of this mostly Muslim and Christian west-Asian national team voiced confusion today after repeated encounters with fans of opposing teams in the world soccer championship hurling anti-Jewish epithets at them.

Players on Khazaria’s national squad told reporters this afternoon that they have no idea why fans carrying the flags and colors of various Arab and Muslim countries’ teams keep directing antisemitic slurs their way, as neither they nor the country they represent in the quadrennial World Cup tournament are Jewish.

“I’m so confused,” admitted coach Amnat Azhid. “I mean, you expect some good-natured taunting in games such as these, but usually the insults make some sort of sense. Here we come, ready to encounter some insults directed at our abilities, maybe if they’re rude then something about our mothers, but this is plain weird.”

Striker Albi Gobsmakt asserted that he usually takes the lead in giving as good as the team gets when it come to insults and taunting from opposing players and fans, but found himself at a loss to respond to what they have encountered so far at the World Cup. “Half the time I’m not even sure they’re talking to or about us,” he conceded. “My heart’s not in it if I can’t feel the burn, the challenge. It’s just bizarre.”

“I guess you could describe it as expecting to have your mother’s or sister’s virtue be made the subject of taunts, ready to get riled up and pay back whoever said it, either with an even more vulgar retort, or with a goal or two in play,” he continued, “only to come out on the pitch and hear them making fun of a guy you barely know from the other side of your childhood neighborhood – it’s not the same thing. It’s befuddling and, to be honest, downright disappointing.”

“Yeah, you expect a higher level of jeering in a context such as this,” agreed goal keeper Funyudon Lukdjoozh. “When I’m standing or strutting near that net I’m used to hearing all manner of insults from the opposing fans behind me – that’s part of the fun, part of the game. You have to have a thick skin to play this, especially my position. This, though, is just bemusing. Why would they even think these antisemitic slurs resonate with us? I hope their teams are more competent and knowledgeable  than the fans, or this is going to be one disappointing set of matches.”

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