Kids Perform Daring Rescue Of Hostage Snacks From Dad’s Closet

The raid began with a discreet scouting mission at around 10 pm.

Yeroham, February 25 – A group of elite members of the Va’aknin household infiltrated their parents’ bedroom while the latter lay sleeping, noiselessly opened the cabinet where candy lay sequestered in punishment for fabricated offenses, liberated the contraband, and emerged from the premises while suffering only minor injuries, family sources reported today.

Adi, Moshe, Yair, and Hodaya Va’aknin, ages 8-15, staged a clandestine operation last night to rescue the chocolate, lollipops, and caramel chews that Mr. Va’aknin had confiscated from them two days ago after believing a false report regarding his children’s behavior at school. Adi and Moshe briefed reporters this morning following the success of the extraction and the safe ensconcing of the sweets in a secure location that the senior Va’aknin will never find, the children assured journalists.

“It was imperative that we conduct this operation, and I commend all involved for their courage and professionalism,” stated Hodaya. “We have known about the location of the imprisoned snacks almost since the beginning. We had a plan in place for some time already to liberate them – but to work best it required the right set of circumstances. Last night the right set of circumstances fell into place.”

According to information the children disclosed, the raid began with a discreet scouting mission at around 10 pm. Parents Adelle and Daniel had sent the younger four – which included a four-year-old and six-year-old not involved in the mission – to bed. The eight-year-old kept his mother distracted with complaints of discomfort while an older sibling occupied their father with questions about ominous noises from one of the toilets. These diversions enabled yet another sibling to scout the master bedroom and confirm the exact location of the mission quarry – and, if time permitted, to attempt an extraction.

However, a lookout posted outside the bathroom alerted the scout of Mr. Va’aknin’s imminent return, and the team settled in for Plan B. “Plan A was never considered realistic,” acknowledged Moshe. “It wouldn’t take long for Abba to determine we were only hearing normal tank-refilling noises.”

Thus, the older children pretended to go to bed, when in reality one of them had positioned herself with her bedroom door cracked open, lights off, to monitor her parents’ movements and launch the second phase of the mission. At 11 pm, the lights went off in the kitchen, then living room, as Adelle and Daniel readied themselves for bed. Hodaya listened for the sounds of the toilet flushing twice, knowing that indicated both adults would soon lie horizontal. She woke and alerted the other three, who tiptoed to just outside the master bedroom and listened.

Earlier, Yair had switched their parents’ dinnertime coffee for decaf.

The team ascertained that their mother’s breathing had slowed, and that their father’s snores had assumed its deep-sleep rhythm, data gleaned from previous scouting missions. An unfolded, three-step ladder with rubber feet was brought from the kitchen. The team worked slowly but quietly to open the bedroom door.

The children recalled barely breathing as one of them – they declined to disclose which one – made a daring foray into the master bedroom, carrying the ladder and placing it in front of Dad’s closet. Bare feet sounded like booms to the anxious observers, but did not noticeably alter the sleep of the recumbent couple just a meter away.

Another two children tiptoed into the room to form a relay team to which the point man handed each item, with extreme care not to crinkle any of the plastic wrapping. Inside of four harrowing minutes, the entire stash of captive treats had exited the room. The stepladder returned to its original location. The treats were taken to the bedroom of the two youngest, uninvolved children, and stowed inconspicuously for subsequent retrieval.

Children everywhere cheered the successful mission and the blow it struck for justice. “This is the moral boost we desperately needed,” gushed Tony Gutierrez, a children’s rights activist.

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