Knesset Security Gearing Up For 120 Clown Sightings

The ten-dozen-plus clowns are supposed to be there, possibly as a way of keeping them off the streets and frightening even more people – at least that’s what the electorate seems to want.

Jerusalem, October 13 – Israel’s parliamentary security organization is observing the raft of frightening clown sightings in the US with concern, knowing that after the Jewish holidays this month the Knesset will resume its legislative activities, and more than 100 clowns are expected to appear repeatedly over the course of the entire winter session.

Pahad Letzani, the chief of Knesset security, began training the men and women under his command this week, as the clown sightings in North America sparked copycat activities as far away as Britain. Letzani ordered his staff to develop and implement a regimen to prepare for the inevitability of 120 clowns at a time appearing in and around the Knesset, with the possibility of more than a dozen other clowns present if various government ministers also attend. Since visitors and Knesset staff are likely to be spooked if seeing or encountering such miscreants, security will face the challenge of minimizing contact between the clowns and everyone else, and of defusing situations in which visitors and staff do come into direct contact with the fearsome, suspicious clowns.

“Our job is to keep everyone safe so the business of the Knesset can done properly,” explained Letzani in an interview. “Unfortunately, the ten-dozen-plus clowns are supposed to be here, possibly as a way of keeping them off the streets and frightening even more people – at least that’s what the electorate seems to want. So closing off the compound to clowns is out the question, as is barring entry to the workers who make this place run well – the aides, the maintenance staff, and various administrative personnel. We need to protect them, and that means being prepared for the inevitable rash of clowns, and the potential chaos and mayhem that implies.”

Further complicating the situation, noted the commander, is the fact that most, if not all, of the clowns do not initially appear clownish. “The ones I’ve seen are scary as hell, but not because of their makeup, hairdo, or large shoes,” he continued. “I mean, there’s [Likud MK] Oren Hazan, but most aren’t that obvious at first blush. That makes them even more dangerous. I’ve cancelled to holiday break for most of my staff so we can tighten up our training and be prepared for the winter legislative session. A good number of the clowns are going to start showing up regularly even before the summer recess ends, so we’ve got less time than it appears on the calendar. We’ve got our work cut out for us.”

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