“I’d have picked a different color, but yellow is fine.”
Jerusalem, July 1 – Israeli officials hoodwinked a group of extremist environmental activists yesterday, witnesses reported, by convincing the group that the decor of a legislative conference chamber carried immense cultural and historical importance, prompting the activists to cover the walls of the chamber in a fresh coat of paint and saving the Israeli government tens of thousands of shekels.
Just Stop Oil took its dump-or-spray-paint act to the Knesset, Israel’s parliament, on Sunday, only this time failed to accomplish either one of their tactical goals: they succeeded neither in causing damage of any sort to a treasured item of cultural heritage, nor in leveraging the attention such a stunt might command to draw further global attention to the importance of curtailing the use of fossil fuels for the same of ecological preservation. According to observers and several Knesset functionaries, Just Stop Oil’s failure resulted from the officials’ deliberate misinformation to the activists that the room in question must remain untouched because of its sacred status in Israeli political history.
In fact, the officials stated, it was simply time for a new paint job, and going though official channels for such matters has become such a bureaucratic pain that inducing the vandalism ended up costing less and taking a matter of minutes, as compared to the weeklong estimates contractors had submitted for the same work.
“I’d have picked a different color, but yellow is fine,” admitted Chief of Knesset Maintenance Sid Shpachtel. “This was way more efficient than bringing in at least three bidders, submitting their quotes to a committee of clerks, and filing all of the paperwork just to approve the job – and don’t even get me started on invoicing, materials, and supervision of the work itself.”
The Just Stop Oil activists insisted their act succeeded. “They’re just trying to save face. We know we struck a blow for the climate,” asserted Priscilla von Schaucken. “The icons of rapacious capitalism will crumble. They must, if we are to protect this planet from exploitation and irreversible habitat destruction.”
Knesset Comptroller Itzik Poeslaw disclosed that the idea grew out of a meeting in which he and several colleagues voiced frustration with the sluggish pace at which even simple tasks move within the compound, and one participant, who thought she was joking, suggested tricking the Just Stop Oil crowd into painting the room, which was showing signs of wear. The meeting took place the day after the organization sprayed Stonehenge with colored paint, and a scheme was born.
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