Labour Solution To Members’ Antisemitism Frozen In Corbynite

A spokesman for Jezza accused disgruntled former associates of contriving a rebellion within his organization’s ranks and sowing rancor to undermine his position.

Tatooine-on-Thames, July 18 – Jezza the Hutt’s palace holds a commanding view over the surrounding terrain, but the potentate’s gaze seldom fixes upon the sights beyond his audience chamber, where he has placed on prominent display a suspended-animation figure: his nemesis, a resolution to the rampant antisemitism in his party.

Jezza obtained the Corbynite block from a bounty hunter named Diane Abbobafett, who tracked down the dangerous, unpredictable rogue and arranged for it to be encased in the material. Jezza the Hutt has pursued the scoundrel for years, over time evolving from wanting to extract as much capital as possible from it to simply wishing to keep it restrained and under his close possession lest it keep undermining his reputation and ambitions.

Reports have emerged of outsiders attempting to extract the resolution from Jezza’s clutches by means of well-placed allies in media, government, and other powerful arenas, but for the time being the gangster enjoys immunity from the galactic authorities, and to date no outside pressure has proved sufficient to persuade the Hutt to relinquish his approach to the issue. A spokesman for Jezza accused disgruntled former associates of contriving a rebellion within his organization’s ranks and sowing rancor to undermine his position, and claimed they work for hostile foreign elements when their first loyalty should have been to him.

The majordomo recalled an attempt by a woman in the guise of a Labour member who in fact sought to rid Jezza’s palace and organization of antisemitism by releasing the captured fugitive. The Hutt’s other supporters caught her in the act, and she has been subject to a thorough discrediting and dressing-down. The party has so far weathered the sandstorm, but future disturbances appear more and more likely in the wake of galaxy-wide broadcasts of allegedly damaging information that may alert too many other interested parties and spark further attempts to wrest an undesirable solution from Jezza.

“We will have to do something about this continued disloyalty to the party,” the majordomo lamented. “Obviously the moneyed bankers of (((Hoth))) and (((Yavin))) feel threatened that the Hutt endorses the progressive agenda of Emperor Palestpatine, and will do everything in their power to sideline or defeat him. Sooner or later our leader will feel compelled to take, shall we say, disciplinary measures against these outrageous traitors, and have them cast into the pit of Khartoum, where his friend the freedom-fighting Sarlacc will slowly digest them over a thousand years.”

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