‘Land Of Milk And Honey’ Moniker On Hold As Tnuva Dairy Cartel Ceases Production To Protest Imports

“Back when the Spies thwarted a quick entry into Canaan we thought we had hit a speed bump, but the timing of this fiasco could have even more inconvenient implications.”

Plains of Moab, December 3 – Repeated praise of Canaan as flowing with nourishing, sweet products now faces an uncertain future after the cooperative that controls most of the country’s supply of one such product shut down its provision of some merchandise in a demonstration of its objections to potential competition from international suppliers.

The Tnuva conglomerate stopped production of butter and several other staple dairy products last week, following indications that the Ministry of Agriculture is considering removing or loosening restrictions on the import of dairy products, a prospect that the company worries will hurt its bottom line, which depends on a near-monopoly to ensure profitability. Shortages of butter occurred immediately in stores, and Moses rushed to consult with the LORD about numerous references in the books of Exodus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy to the Promised Land as “flowing with milk and honey.”

Consumers grumbled about the development, which marks the second time this year that Tnuva has taken such a measure. “I’ll tell you what, it would serve them right to collapse from import competition,” remarked one shopper. “They don’t have some sacred right to profits. It’s our money and we’ll spend it as we see fit. If they can’t handle the competition they shouldn’t be in business. Also, I hope the date growers don’t do the same thing as they’re doing, because then even the ‘honey’ part of the phrase will have to be scrapped.”

Moses remained ensconced in the Tent of Meeting and unavailable for comment. “This is going to throw a wrench into a bunch of things,” predicted Joshua Bin-Nun, the leader’s right-hand man. “Back when the Spies thwarted a quick entry into Canaan we thought we had hit a speed bump, but the timing of this fiasco could have even more inconvenient implications.”

“Will we have to rewrite the whole Torah to account for the change, and maybe incorporate some other natural or agricultural bounty instead?” he wondered. “Perhaps. But that would include, for example, the whole encounter centuries ago between Abraham and the wayfaring angels – he served them butter and milk. And the whole thou-shalt-not-seethe-a-kid-in-its-mother’s-milk thing, which appears three separate times, well, are we going to have to revisit the whole idea? ‘Thou shalt not seethe a kid in date honey’ just doesn’t have the same ring to it.”

“I have to say I wouldn’t mind that,” mumbled a bystander. “I don’t look forward to when we have to maintain separate sets of dishes because our ancestors weren’t frum enough.”

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