Late-Winter Mosquito Obviously A Mossad Mini-Drone

“I’m glad we have the advantage of conditioning in our youth and adulthood to view all negative phenomena as the work of the Zionists.”

Ofer Prison, March 5 – Inmates at this facility, almost all of them Palestinians convicted of abetting, planning, or committing violence against Israelis, concluded today that the insect of the genus Anopheles flying around their cell block cannot possibly be real, given the time of year, and that it must therefore be a clandestine surveillance instrument, prison sources disclosed today.

Prisoners of Section D of the facility just north of Jerusalem agreed this evening that the anomalous persistence of at least one mosquito this late in winter must mean the bug literally functions as a bug.

“Yeah, it’s been a mild winter, but still too cold for mosquitoes to survive,” insisted Muhammad Qawasmeh, 30, currently serving a fifteen years on multiple counts of attempted murder, for a fizzled bombing on a bus full of Israeli commuters. “We know the Jews control the weather anyway, so that as just a failed way to make the mosquito’s presence seem reasonable. We saw through that though.”

In the hills of the Judah-Benjamin region where the prison lies, winter temperatures can plunge into the single-digit Celsius neighborhood for days at a time during a typical January-February, even dipping below freezing at night – balmy perhaps by northern European or North American standards, but enough to chill locals to the bone without adequate heating or layering. This winter, few days have featured that level of cold. The unusually gentle winter has not fooled the wary inmates at Ofer.

“We know they’re clever,” acknowledged Samr Matbuha, 25. “I even killed a mosquito in the cafeteria the other day. It squished just like a normal mosquito, which shows you how sophisticated the Occupation’s technology has become. You wouldn’t know the mosquitoes aren’t mosquitoes unless you already knew the mosquitoes aren’t mosquitoes. It’s next-level stuff.”

“There’s also a psychological warfare element,” asserted Jifa Fadiha, who threw firebombs at Israeli motorists. “The whining they make, like right when it gets close to your head – it’s enough to drive you insane. Guys flail around like epileptics. It has to be intentional. I’m glad we have the advantage of conditioning in our youth and adulthood to view all negative phenomena as the work of the Zionists. Otherwise we might not have figured out what’s driving this whole debacle.”

Colonel Barib Yariel, warden of Ofer Prison, explained that a sewage line in nearby Ramallah, suffering from years of Palestinian Authority neglect, had burst, and the accumulated liquids and solids had settled in part in a depression about a hundred meters from the prison, where mosquitoes have continued to breed in the standing water, thriving in the mild winter conditions.

“But it’s flattering to know the inmates think we’re that competent,” he remarked.

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