Liberman Sneaks ‘No Brown M&Ms’ Clause Into Coalition Agreement

He hopes to be able to invoke it if the government’s policies and legislation in the coming months do not reflect his wishes.

Jerusalem, May 23 – Prospective Minister of Defense Avigdor Liberman managed to surreptitiously insert a passage into the emerging coalition agreement today that requires the government to provide a bowl of M&M candies at every Coalition meeting, with a later hidden clause that voids the agreement if any brown M&Ms are found in that bowl.

Negotiations with Liberman over the addition of his Yisrael Beiteinu Party to the Coalition continued today (Monday), with the major sticking points involving augmented pensions for immigrants. However, Liberman did succeed in sliding past his negotiating partners the M&Ms clause, which he hopes to be able to invoke if the government’s policies and legislation in the coming months do not reflect his wishes.

“There will be a bowl of M&M candies at the center of the table at every Coalition and cabinet meeting,” read the first clause. “Failure to abide by this requirement will void this agreement and release Yisrael Beiteinu from any and all obligations thereunto stipulated.” Eight pages later, tucked onto the end of an unrelated paragraph, a second requirement appears: “There will be no brown M&Ms in the bowl required at every Coalition meeting. The presence of even a single brown M&M in said bowl will constitute a violation of this agreement, and will release Yisrael Beiteinu from its obligations under the agreement, including liability for any damages caused in reaction to said violation.” Aides to the would-be defense minister explained that the latter stipulation is to forestall difficulties that might arise if, in reaction the presence of brown M&Ms, any Yisrael Beiteinu MKs overturn furniture, spill beverages, or otherwise cause physical damage to Knesset facilities.

Likud MKs remained unaware of the brown M&M stipulation. “We’re fine with a bowl of M&Ms on the table – that’s a relatively cheap requirement, and everyone likes M&Ms,” said MK Yariv Levin. “It’s a little weird, but so what? It’s a heck of a lot more reasonable and practicable than the separation of religion and State, which Liberman has been wise enough not to demand as part of this government.”

Analysts described the addition of the clauses as a coup for Liberman. “It’s not so easy to stay a step ahead of Netanyahu,” said commentator David Lee Roth. “This will help Liberman create an escape clause he will in all likelihood have recourse to if it becomes necessary to leave the Coalition and have a decent pretext for doing so, even if his real reasons are far less noble than failure to uphold an obscure requirement of the agreement.”