Likud Vows Return To Power, Same Policies Against Which It Now Rails

“Right now they’re horrible policies, though, I can tell you that.”

Jerusalem, February 7 – Leaders of the largest Knesset faction currently outside of the governing coalition expressed confidence today that it will sweep back into a controlling position, at which point it will continue doing more or less as the current parties in the Coalition, but will defend those actions as righteous and necessary instead of evil and undermining the very fabric of the state and society, much as it did when it was in power for more than a decade until last year.

Lawmakers from Likud, helmed at the moment by embattled former Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu, vowed today to topple the current government under Premier Naftali Bennett to regain leadership of the government and country that it held since 2009 until elections brought others to power. The faction leaders predicted that if successful, sooner or later, they will follow policies functionally-identical to those of Bennett and his coalition partners, but will pivot from criticizing those policies to defending them, once they have ownership of said policies.

“This government’s days are numbered,” predicted Likud MK Yisrael Katz. “We will regain leadership of the government and the country and put an end to the irresponsible, existentially-hazardous, not to mention downright anti-Zionist policies that Bennett and his Islamist allied have implemented. We promise to take those policies and put our names on them instead, because they look very much like the policies we pursued while we were in power before. Right now they’re horrible policies, though, I can tell you that.”

“Bennett and [Minister of Justice Ayelet] Shaked have deferred to the far-left-wing in every policy decision so far,” charged Likud MK David Amsalem. “Israelis deserve better. They deserve a Likud-led government doing the same thing but talking defiantly about bolstering Zionism, even while ignoring the bulk of illegal construction by Arabs and punishing every illegal square meter of Jewish construction. Israelis deserve to hear talk about ‘dismantling the dictatorship of unelected bureaucrats’ – talk in short supply from the current government – while the government, meaning us once we’re back in power, does nothing to prevent the cementing of that cadre cementing its hold on the institutions of power that really matter, such as the Prosecutor’s Office and the High Court. Israelis are tired of the incompetence of the Bennet-Shaked-Lapid-Abbas government, and will welcome the subtle inertia of a Likud-led government, whether other Netanyahu or a successor.”

“Mostly I think we all need a prime minister who inserts ‘cyber-‘ into every other paragraph,” he concluded. “We all miss that.”

Please support our work through Patreon.