Loaves And Fishes Suppliers Threatened By Jesus’s New Wholesale Operation

“Am I supposed to grow figs or something? I can see him causing my trees to wither and die, just to eliminate competition.”

Capernaum, Galilee, March 9 – Sellers of loaves and fishes voiced concern today about losing business to a new enterprise by Jesus of Nazareth, who has devised a process by which to obtain bread and fish with considerably less effort than they must expend.

The entrepreneur displayed his prowess in the realm of producing vast quantities of the foodstuffs at a wedding last week, and as word spread to the fishermen and commercial bakers among the communities to the west of the Sea of Galilee, area businessmen began to fret at losing their livelihood to the upstart.

Some also worry that Jesus’s ability to produce foodstuffs might not be limited to loaves and fishes. John, who runs a mill outside Tiberias, worries that Jesus will make his services unnecessary. “This mill has been in my family for three generations, but that’s in peril now because some schmo from Nazareth can all but eliminate my milling from the production process. Pretty soon he’ll be the only supplier in the region. Where does that leave us? Am I supposed to grow figs or something? I can see him causing my trees to wither and die, just to eliminate competition for his food business.”

A fisherman named Simon voiced similar concerns. “I work my tail off to feed my family, and that means selling a certain quantity of fish each day,” he explained. “But from what I hear, there’s this fellow called Jesus who can somehow bypass the whole supply chain, and that includes me. He can even produce fish inland, where getting fresh product has always been a challenge – no preservation necessary. And it apparently costs him nothing, so he can undercut all of us with low prices. I’m losing sleep over this.”

Simon also related that he and several colleagues who have long competed in the same market are now banding together to discuss possible avenues of activity to maintain their livelihoods in the only profession most have ever known. “We have to figure out a way to thrive, not just eat what we catch – we have to sell in order to have the cash we need for non-food expenses,” he continued. “But so far, despite numerous meetings, no one has come up with a constructive plan. The only option still on the table appears to be a coordinated campaign to get the guy in trouble with the Sanhedrin so he stops posing such an economic threat.”

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