Lockdown: Mosquito Also Sick Of Your Family

She conducted at least two raids to obtain blood from human capillaries, one of which proved successful.

Jerusalem, August 25 – An insect forced to spend all of its life in the confines of a residence where a single family of humans, including you,  has closed itself off as much as possible from the rest of the physical world to attenuate the risks of COVID confided to journalists today that, as tired as the people in that household have grown of one another over the last several months, the brief life that the bug has spent in their company has made it even more aggravated than any of them.

The mosquito, who declined to give her name, disclosed that the closed doors and windows of the apartment where she took up residence a week ago have restricted her to the margins of several rooms, from where she makes furtive forays to find carbohydrates to eat and human blood to siphon. However, the insect observed, having no human contact other than your family has come close to driving her completely bonkers.

“It’s no wonder they drive one another crazy,” the mosquito whined. “But I had no idea they would do the same to me. How many times can a person make the same stupid jokes and expect a reaction? I thought my high-pitched whine was annoying, but then I heard some of the talk that passes for rhetoric around here. If I could swat them every time they opened their stupid mouths, I would.”

The Anopheles specimen had planned initially to forage for simple food in your apartment’s kitchen, having picked up the scent of bread crumbs and a small pile of spilled sugar on one of the countertops. She also detected the presence of humans, and conducted at least two raids to obtain blood from human capillaries, one of which proved successful. The mosquito will use the blood thus obtained to augment her production of eggs, but, with your apartment on lockdown, finding a suitable location to lay those eggs may prove impossible, another source of aggravation for the parasite.

“That by itself doesn’t bother me so much, to tell you the truth,” she admitted. “It’s the fact that I’m forced to hear the same awful cover of an already-mediocre song from the 1970’s, because the people who live here, well, their thirteen-year-old daughter just LOVES to play her narrow selection favorites again and again and again. I swear, if I hear ‘Try Everything’ a cappella one more time I’m going to sting myself.”

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