Locusts, Epidemic, Economic Collapse Not Enough Of A Hint To Iran

Setbacks and humiliations have for some unfathomable reason not indicated that they have fallen out of divine favor, nor how they might restore that favor.

Credit: CSIRO

Tehran, March 12 – Actions by the regime running this Islamic Republic indicate that the people in key leadership positions have so far failed to internalize the messages sent their way via numerous natural and man-made calamities, observers stated this week.

Sources within the Heavenly realm supervising human affairs disclosed Thursday the contents of a report to the angel Metatron, to the effect that the rulers of the Islamic Republic of Iran appear not to understand the nature of the disasters and misfortune plaguing their country, and blame outside malign forces instead of examining how their own behavior and mistaken assumptions have led to the brink of political, economic, and social collapse.

A divine spokesangel told reporters this morning that the cumulative misfortune accruing to the people and government of Iran to date have not budged that government from its commitment to its current destructive endeavors, despite the recent addition to the already-fearsome troubles of civic unrest, economic stagnation, inflation, diplomatic isolation, and mounting personnel losses in the various conflicts it has fomented. Over the last two months the litany of catastrophes has seen the addition of a burgeoning coronavirus outbreak throughout the country and swarms of locusts in the south – yet Tehran persists in its pursuit of nuclear weapons, sponsoring international terrorism, and designs on regional hegemony.

“The divine model assumes a capacity for a modicum of introspection on the part of the person or group undergoing suffering,” explained Uriel. “Prophets spent hundreds of years admonishing humans to mend their ways or face calamity: plagues, war, exile, poverty, enslavement, what have you. The initial success of Islam’s conquests signaled to its adherents that they enjoyed God’s favor because they had embarked on a positive mission. But the subsequent setbacks and humiliating defeats in the centuries since have for some unfathomable reason not indicated to the same groups that they have fallen out of divine favor, nor how they might restore that favor.”

“We’re seeing a manifest case of that here with Iran,” continued the angel. “In fact the direct correlation between the regime’s misconduct and the troubles it now faces bears a much more demonstrable causative relationship, not like the moral correlation more prevalent in ancient and early modern iterations of this phenomenon. We are going to have to develop a way to bypass or neutralize this regime’s propensity to assign blame for disaster to ‘Zionists’ or ‘the Great Satan’ instead of accepting the responsibility it assumed when it came to power.”

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