Ma’am, Your Medicine Isn’t As Important As Rockets To Kill Israeli Children

by Mahmoud Al-Zahar, Hamas spokesman

Gaza City, May 12 – Madam, please stop your histrionics. The screaming will accomplish nothing but annoy me and put you and your family on a blacklist of those who get food and housing last. As I have already explained, we cannot supply you with your life-saving medication because all of our funds have been diverted the higher cause of launching missiles at little girls in Lod, Beersheva, wherever.

It’s like the fifth time I’ve had to say this: your medicine isn’t as important as killing Israel children. They don’t even have to be Jewish! As you can already see, one of the deaths was an Arab teenager, along with her dad. We’re even happy about the caregiver from India whom we killed along with her eighty-eight-year-old client. With achievements such as those already under our belts only three days into our latest round of attacks, I’m sure you’ll understand why we can’t divert any funds from our rocket-launching budget to keep you and your family healthy. Pray to Allah for insulin or something.

You’re trying my patience, madam. You appear to be operating under the mistaken assumption that I, or the Hamas movement at large, cares about you. We do not, except insofar as we can leverage your suffering to make the enemy look evil. We an never hope to defeat him militarily, so we must undermine the enemy’s legitimacy on the international stage and let other, larger forces exploit the situation that creates to take care of the strategic elements of undoing the shame of 1948 and 1967. If we gave you money for the medicine you need, or the medicine itself, we would be relinquishing a vital piece of propaganda!

It seems you’re still not listening, or perhaps you are listening but not comprehending. So let me put it in terms even a simpleton can understand. If we accept, even embrace, the deaths of children in Gaza from rockets that fall short, and exploit those deaths for propaganda value by blaming Israeli strikes to a credulous, sympathetic world media, it makes no sense to think that we are willing to lessen your suffering in any way. Your suffering is our chief weapon against the Jews. We wield it with precision, and to devastating public relations effect.

What is this claptrap about the value of human life? Where did you get such stupid ideas? Zionist media? Please. Human life isn’t sacred. It’s a weapon. Everything is a weapon. Whether it wants to be or not. Now go away, weapon, and be wielded as we deem fit.

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