Man Can’t Decide Whether Congress Controlled By NRA, Oil, Or AIPAC

Do the banks control Congress, or does Big Pharma? Maybe it’s Monsanto? Insurance companies? Sugar?

Chicago, April 9 – A radio personality known for his support of progressive politics voiced confusion today over different axiomatic assertions of his world view that now appear in conflict with one aother.

Stan Davage, a talk radio program host who favors a ban on guns and sides with Palestinians against Israel, expressed his consternation this afternoon that while one set of progressive ideals leads him to the conclusion that the National Rifle Association all but owns most Republicans – and several Democrats – in the Senate and House of Representatives, another, equally important set of progressive values has him reasoning that the entire legislative branch of government is controlled by the America-Israel Public Affairs Committee.

“They can’t both be true,” he stated aloud during a commercial break. “Either the NRA controls Congress, or AIPAC does. It can’t be both. They’re not the same people.” He then noticed that he often accuses Congress of being in the pocket of other, unrelated industries or groups, many of which have no substantial connection to Israel.

In fact, he observed, Israel’s gun laws are stricter than in most US jurisdictions. “It doesn’t compute,” Davage continued. “I’m not one to go down the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories and claim one is behind the rest, especially since a visible, vocal chunk of the constituencies of each group are sworn enemies of the others. I mean, that would be a great way to throw off suspicion, but let’s be real.”

Analysts note that Davage is not the first to get confused by conflicting visions of who controls the government. “Some people can go for years not noticing the contradictions,” explained commentator Duke Davis. “But they’re all over the place. Do the banks control Congress, or does Big Pharma? Maybe it’s Monsanto? Insurance companies? Sugar? Then there’s oil and energy companies, not to mention tobacco. Will the real owner of the US Congress please stand up?”

Hofstra University Professor of Political Science Waggtha Doge added that such confusion pervades thinking about other branches of the US government, as well. “It’s one thing to claim that the pharmaceutical industry owns Congress and government agencies,” she remarked. “But if the goal is to make as many people sick as possible to create massive demand for pharmaceuticals, that fails to account for the fact that Congress and those agencies and policymakers are in the pocket of the insurance industry, which will fight tooth and nail against having to pay for all that medical treatment. It’s almost as if there isn’t one sinister entity pulling the strings.”

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