Man Can’t Get Socializing Done If 6-Ft Distancing In Place At Shul

“You can’t lean over and whisper a snarky comment to your buddy during the Rabbi’s recorded sermon the way you can in shul.”

Bergenfield, New Jersey, June 2 – Family and friends of a regular Sabbath morning services attendee noted their concern today at his accumulating stress and anxiety over the impediment that coronavirus containment measures have become to his customary use of synagogue time to catch up on sports, business, gossip, and other banter with those in the seats around him.

The wife, children, and neighbors of Jake Levine, 35, told reporters Tuesday of their increasing worry for his health and mental well-being, as the weeks and months go by and social distancing restrictions make davening-time conversations lasting more than a few seconds awkward and untenable. Mr. Levine’s inability to shoot the breeze with his shul buddies as he once did every Saturday morning, they report, has made him sullen, prone to lashing out, and disturbed his sleep.

“I’m really worried about him,” admitted his wife Becca. “He used to have a Shabbat morning routine: up whenever, have some pastry and coffee, mosey over to [Congregation] Beth Abraham somewhere between nine-thirty and ten for a nine-o’clock davening, and do some token prayer or following the Torah reading, but with the real emphasis on chatting with Pinchas [Klein], Jeremy [Katz], Avi [Kramer], and sometimes Akiva [Schoenfeld]. That’s all been thrown into disarray now. Even the few shuls in the area that are operating are enforcing six feet of distance between people, and that means no discussing fantasy football, politics, or the latest stupid things the administration has done at the kids’ schools. Without that outlet, he’s starting to crack.”

Levine’s close friend Michael Silverberg observed that non-synagogue, non-Sabbath solutions to the problem have been of limited help at best, and only highlighted the lack, at worst. “Zoom is off limits on Shabbat, of course,” he explained, citing Jewish law, “but even weekday interaction with the same group of fellas has proved a poor substitute. You can’t lean over and whisper a snarky comment to your buddy during the Rabbi’s sermon the way you can in shul. And there’s no occasion to shout ‘Kiddish! Kiddish!’ in response to every minor announcement following services and have the same people laugh at it every week as if it never gets old. That kind of dynamic is what Jake needs, and he’s not getting it. It’s really, really hard to see, and no one seems to know what to do about it. I don’t know why he’d come to shul at all if not for that kind of camaraderie.”

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