Man Invests Identity, Sense Of Worth In Group Trying To Get Ball Into Net

Mr. Zikri refers to the group of well-paid athletes, none of whom know who he is or how much of his money and psyche he has invested in supporting them, as “we.”

Jerusalem, May 11 – A resident of Israel’s capital and most populous city has outsourced his self-esteem to the fortunes of a football club that he supports owing to his living in the same municipality as the club’s home pitch, observers report.

Zohar Zikri, 36, has considered himself a devout fan of Beitar Yerushalayim since his youth. Relatives, neighbors, coworkers, and friends all attest that Mr. Zikri’s attachment to the squad transcends mere interest in, and admiration of, athletic prowess and teamwork; indeed, these observers note that the centrality of the Beitar team in his life shows all the indicators that Zikri has anchored core elements of his own identity and self-worth to the team in the way that ancient worshipers of the Baal and other pagan gods did.

“Yeah, he’s die-hard,” acknowledged next-door neighbor Shimon Avrahami. “Some fans sport the occasional black-and-yellow poster in their windows or festoon their cars with the team colors on game day, but Zohar takes it to the next level and beyond. Face paint, jerseys, scarves, banners, slogans – it’s all part of the package for him all week long.”

Even casual acquaintances have noticed that Mr. Zikri refers to the group of well-paid athletes, none of whom know who he is or how much of his money and psyche he has invested in supporting them, as “we” in conversation about the team’s various triumphs, failures, prospects, and needs.

“He’s totally subordinated his sense of self and worth to Beitar,” agreed Fortuna Elghazi, his aunt. “If the group of man-children kicking a ball around on a grass field can get the ball into a large net more times than the group of man-children sharing the field with them can, then Zohar is a happy man for days and days. His black-and-yellow soul just bellows, and everyone in the neighborhood knows the outcome without watching a second of the match or checking the score. On the other hand, if – God forbid! – the opposing squad manages to get the ball into the net more, Zohar will rage and break things. It’s personal for him. He feels diminished when the ball goes into the wrong net too many times. His manhood, his very self-esteem suffers when that happens.”

Zikri also believes that supporters of rival ball-kickers rank lower as humans than those who support Beitar, with the strongest evidence of his position coming from the the fact that he supports Beitar, which should be good enough reason for anyone.

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