Man’s Computer Emits Noxious Fumes After He Accidentally Installs Microsoft Orifice

“This is is just a foul situation.”

Beer Sheva, July 24 – A user complained of an unpleasant odor emanating from his desktop today following an incident in which instead of installing the latest version of the Office suite of applications, he had the similar-sounding but differently-functioning Orifice suite by mistake.

Colin P. Tabaat, 32, made a careless click on a visit to Microsoft’s website this morning and has Orifice set up on his machine. He called customer support to report the stench within an hour, after realizing the source of the noisome hazard, only to discover that uninstalling Orifice can compromise integral internal functions.

“I was hoping to get some work done today, but I can’t use my computer like this,” he remarked, gesturing toward his Dell. “At first I thought I could just push through, but it just gets worse and worse the longer I persist. This is hard to digest.”

Tabaat explained that the customer service representative informed him that by uninstalling Orifice, he would be removing important files critical for the functioning of the rest of the system. “It’s different from other applications, apparently,” he acknowledged. “It corrupts the log or somesuch, and both uploads and downloads become disastrous. The rep told me other users have tried to uninstall Orifice from their systems and totally wrecked ’em. It wreaks havoc with the input and output mechanisms. The whole thing could get copromised.”

To make matters worse, Tabbat cannot access other useful features of his computer because of Orifice, and cannot return his unit to the store where he purchased it, since the warranty on it does not cover mishaps involving software. “I can’t even dispose of my computer by just tossing it in the garbage – the rep warned me there are special procedures and the authorities are quite anal about enforcement.”

While Tabaat’s computer remains inaccessible to him, with Orifice installed it continues to operate and communicate with remote servers. “It’s the newest version, the doo point oh – I know it’s supposed to sphinct with the cloud to back up the data, but I’m not getting near that thing,” he spat. “This is is just a foul situation.”

A tech-savvy friend suggested having the machine wiped, and Tabaat admitted he he is still considering such a move, but fears for the sensitivity of the hardware. “That might be the most proctical way to deal with this,” he sighed. “A younger me might have just done what’s necessary, but at this point I don’t have the will to probe.”

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