Minor Flooding In Tehran As Iran Salivates At US Afghanistan Debacle

The only other comparable drool-flood occurred when Obama sent over pallets of cash.

Tehran, August 16 – The capital of the Islamic Republic of Iran ground to a halt Monday overwhelmed drainage systems, deluged the first floors of hundreds of buildings, and disrupted essential services and utilities to thousands of residents, as the cumulative quantity of drool from the mouths of the country’s leaders reached unprecedented production levels in reaction to the American abandonment of Iran’s eastern neighbor with its tail between its legs.

Rescue and repair workers scrambled this morning to drain the saliva and restore power, plumbing, and other services to several areas of central and western Tehran; thirteen people reportedly suffered minor injuries from slipping on the spittle, but otherwise, according to emergency services personnel, everyone emerged from the area unhurt.

“The buildup of the saliva was unusually fast, but still gradual enough for most people to escape the flood,” stated rescue worker Pav Lov. “About a hundred families remain temporarily homeless, and relief services are addressing those needs as we speak.” Lov, a sixteen-year veteran of the service, noted that the current Ayatollah-saliva flood ranks as the worst he has seen in his career.

“I think the only other comparable incident was when Obama sent over pallets of cash,” he recalled. “We were short-staffed that day, and the only reason things didn’t get quite as bad is that several of the senior regime figures were out of the city at the time, and their combined salivation didn’t have the same devastating effect. The overall volume of drool during that incident might have been greater, though.”

Monday morning the drool continued to flow into the area from numerous government facilities and buildings, but improvised reactions by infrastructure repair teams has so far kept the pools of spit from deluging other parts of the capital. Rescue officials expect the pace of salivation to slow enough that by the evening, some residents and business proprietors on the periphery of the affected area will regain access to their homes, shops, and offices to assess the damage.

Some warned that sheer good fortune prevented a worse disaster, and that the city’s infrastructure will not be able to contain another inevitable bout of Ayatollah-drool. “The Biden administration appears to be doing all it can to maximize production of mullah-saliva,” observed Tehran Fire and Rescue Chief Enn Zayim. “It’s only a matter of time before a recurrence of this kind of event, and we’re not prepared. We need sandbags, digging equipment, and trucks, just for starters, but the nuclear facilities have priority for those items.”

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