Mossad Scores Huge Haul Of Shoes From Mosque Entryway

“This is an outrage,” fumed the mosque’s chief preacher, Imam Asghar Bukhari.

Jerusalem, July 24 – Israel’s secret intelligence service pulled off a massive heist of footwear here today, targeting worshipers at a Muslim house of prayer, in its ongoing operations to intimidate, spook, and mess with the minds of the country’s enemies.

Sources within the Mossad, speaking on condition of anonymity, disclosed that its agents had reconnoitered and struck a mosque in the eastern Jerusalem neighborhood of Sur Bahr, making off with almost 150 shoes: work boots, sandals, athletic footwear, dress shoes, and various knockoffs of Crocs-type slippers, leaving behind each pair of shoe’s other half.

“Our team distracted the mosque attendant and apprehended 147 of shoes of varying quality and sizes, all left shoes,” once source revealed. “Worshipers must remove their footwear before entering the prayer chamber, and our agents were able to load almost the entire trove from the cubbyholes into a pickup truck and drive away before anyone knew it had happened. At this stage we know of no mishaps along the way, and that makes this our most successful operation since the capture of the Tehran nuclear archive last year – at least the most successful one I am at liberty to discuss.”

Bewildered mosque-attendees emerged from midday prayers to discover what had happened. “A commotion was brewing at the entrance,” recalled a middle-aged man who gave his name as Muhammad S. “It got louder and louder as more and more people realized what was going on. Poor attendant caught the worst of it – folks started throwing their now-useless singe shoes at him.” The attendant escaped with light injuries.

“This is an outrage,” fumed the mosque’s chief preacher, Imam Asghar Bukhari. “These scoundrels know no bounds. Nothing is sacred to them. I was just telling my colleagues at Al Aqsa, who are running day camps and parkour exhibitions there, that we must all maintain vigilance against these brazen violations of our holy sites by these infidels.”

Mossad sources declined to offer further details of the operation, both to avoid compromising the identities of the participants and to prevent enemies from learning about the methods it used. “Let’s just say I wouldn’t expect this to be the last such operation in the next six or seven months,” allowed a field agent. “But our enemies never know where we will strike next, or when it will happen. We have set a goal of accumulating at least ten thousand single enemy shoes by year’s end.”

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