Mossad Weather Chief Won’t Let Kids Touch Thermostat At Home

“It’s like telling us we can’t eat junk food and then chowing down on a bowl of Doritos,” insisted the oldest, 12.

Modiin, February 4 – Children of the man who oversees Israel’s clandestine projects to control temperature, winds, precipitation, and other meteorological phenomena around the world complained today that he forbids them to so much as adjust the heat or cooling in the house.

The Mossad official in charge of the organization’s global climate and weather control systems, known only by the initial Y, has stated on numerous occasions that his children are not to touch the thermostat at home, because he is not made of money, the four offspring told journalists on Sunday. They further complained that their father’s policy demonstrates hypocrisy, in that he manipulates temperature and other atmospheric factors all the time while barring them from the same activity.

“It’s like telling us we can’t eat junk food and then chowing down on a bowl of Doritos,” insisted the oldest, 12. “Or when he and Mom decreed we couldn’t watch TV on school nights but then they stay up and binge on Netflix series. It’s not fair.”

“He keeps telling us to put on a sweater if we’re cold,” disclosed the ten-year-old. “I don’t want to walk around my own house looking like Nanook of the North. It’s supposed to be comfortable at home. What good is a heating system if you never use it? I’m sure Daddy doesn’t just rely on Israel’s enemies knowing we have weather-control devices; he must actually use them. Well, same thing here. What a waste.”

The seven-year-old noted that the same restriction applies in hot weather. “It can be an oven in here and Daddy will warn us not to touch the air conditioner remote,” lamented the second-grader. “He’ll tell us to get a drink, and then when we open the refrigerator to take out something cold he’ll yell at us for keeping the door open too long. Or if we go take a shower to cool down he’ll scold us for wasting water.”

Y’s wife explained that the family had held a meeting last year and resolved to implement rules designed for more economical use of resources. “It happened after an event at school that taught the children about ‘green’ technology and sensibilities. The kids were all on board at the time,” she recalled. “We have to at least maintain the pretense that we can do our part as a household to minimize the human factor in global climate change, even though it’s entirely under my husband’s control.”

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