My Ophthalmology Background Was Perfect Training For Becoming A Brutal Tyrant

By Basher Assad, President, Syrian Arab Republic

It’s amazing where life can take you, and how it takes you there.

My dear father knew how to run a country, and brooked defiance from no one. Me, I was slated for smaller-scale achievement, attending a western medical school with the goal of becoming an eye doctor, while my older brother Bassel underwent years of grooming to succeed Dad. Then poor Bassel killed himself in a car crash, and I had to change course to replace him – but it turns out my ophthalmology studies provided excellent preparation for the work of being a brutal dictator.

It seems perhaps counterintuitive, but there you have it. In treating ailments of the eye, one must be prepared to inflict pain on the patient so the condition can be remedied, even to the point of cutting away tissue – tissue that the body has grown accustomed to nourishing, but which must be excised to prevent loss of vision. In governing Syria, as my father demonstrated, one must be prepared to sacrifice tens of thousands of civilians to preserve one’s regime and its vision. In my case, hundreds of thousands, in addition to the creation of millions of refugees and internally displaced persons. Vision.

My studies also included material about the introduction of external agents – to the layperson, drugs – to treat or address conditions of the eye. That unit was an object lesson that I take to heart now as I introduce Russian, Iranian, Lebanese, and sundry other non-Syrian fighters and equipment to defeat the rebels of various stripes and continue to stick it to the Kurds. They can all be tarred with the “Islamist” brush in the name of wiping out resistance to my family’s rule. A blood-Baath, if you will. But I digress.

Also helpful were my experiences as a wealthy foreign playboy where I pursued my education, as those experiences honed my sense of entitlement, cynicism, and expensive tastes, characteristics that no Middle East despot with any self-respect can do without. While those experiences and attitudes could develop in many contexts, and not only in the course of studying ophthalmology, that is how they developed for me, and I credit my medical school education and environment for facilitating the cultivation of those aspects of my character.

Life is full of surprises. I’d never have thought that my career would take the twists and turns that it has – but just in case, unlike Bassel, I’m careful to wear a seat belt.

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