Nachlaot Apartment Seller Hopes Omnipresent Stench Of Weed A Selling Point

“Mothers walking their small children to and from preschool will definitely gravitate toward this lively atmosphere.”

Jerusalem, August 14 – The presence along the same stretch of road of a bar and cafe in close proximity where the unmistakable funk of marijuana permeates each footstep will prompt buyers to jump at the opportunity to live in the building above those establishments, the man disclosed today.

Shimon Hudeida, 70, owns two flats in an apartment house on Nissim Bachar Street in the historic neighborhood of Nachlaot, long a favorite area for students, transients, couples just starting out, stoners, junkies, and old-time holdouts descended from the original inhabitants of the area. He told a reporter this morning that he expects the ever-present stink of THC-laden joints under and around the two residences to attracts buyers in an area already two decades into a gentrification process that has seen prices skyrocket.

“I hope to fetch at least a half a million dollars for each place,” he acknowledged. “In the nineties, I’d be lucky to get two hundred grand. We’re talking about one-bedroom apartments. The place used to be so run down. Now the whole neighborhood is hot. I’m thinking the bar and coffee shop where stoners hang out at all hours of the day and night will drive the market value of my apartments through the roof.”

“It’s not just the weed- it’s the music,” Hudeida explained. “That special blend of reggae, the odd classic rock or folk tune, and the most offensively profane hip-hop are what make this corner of Nachlaot special in that ineffable way. Mothers walking their small children to and from preschool will definitely gravitate toward this lively atmosphere. Couples looking to start a family but maintain an active social life in dank neighborhood establishments need look no further. It’s a burgeoning market, and I hope to capitalize on it.”

Hudeida’s family has owned the property since the early 1950’s when Israel airlifted the vast majority of Yemen’s Jews – many facing imminent danger – to the fledgling Jewish state. A significant community of those immigrants took up residence in the Nachlaot area; Hudeida’s grandparents were fortunate enough to prosper early and gain ownership of the building. His parents expanded and renovated in in the 1970’s, introducing the retail spaces that now house the bar and cafe. Before gentrification began in earnest in the late nineties, passers-by were more likely to encounter the stench of urine and alcohol, or the occasional used heroin syringe. But now that many drug addicts have been priced out, and the police have ceased enforcement of marijuana-possession laws, Hudeida anticipates a sweet payout.

“It’s a sure thing. Who doesn’t like weed?” he wondered.

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