Narcissus Opens Instagram Account

Narcissus uniformly waxes poetic about the frustration and futility of his desire for the man in the image.

Thespiae, Boeotia, February 14 – Legendary figure of Greek mythology Narcissus started his own account on one of the world’s leading photo-sharing applications, observers report.

Instagram users began noticing the hashtag #Narcissus popping up with greater frequency over the last week, and a short investigation determined that the young hunter by that name has obtained a smartphone and has been snapping selfies continuously to post online.

Experts in social media trends have noticed certain peculiarities of Narcissus’s selfies, including the unorthodox use of a reflective pool of water where most selfie-photographers would have a bathroom mirror. Additionally, whereas most users include text as a commentary on the image. Narcissus uniformly waxes poetic about the frustration and futility of his desire for the man in the image.

Also, say social media analyst Liriope Echo, no other users who post selfies on Instagram keep using the hashtags #me, #SoInLove, #MarryMeNarcissus, #OMGImSoHot, or #UnrequitedLove as Narcissus does. “Only time will tell whether the trend continues, but this Narcissus fellow is simply on a tear of selfies,” she noted. “It hasn’t let up for more than a few minutes at a time, and then the torrent of new poses and filter settings comes pouring in again. Most other people occasionally employ some of those hashtags, usually ironically or in affected overstatement, but not Narcissus. They should probably name some sort of self-obsession disorder after him, if you ask me.”

“The angle on his selfies is unorthodox,” observed social critic Ovid Partheneus. “A selfie need not make use of a mirror – millions of them rely on the simple device of holding the camera at arm’s length, perhaps slightly elevated. Consistently, Narcissus chooses not to look away from the reflective pool long enough to take such a photo. I rather suspect that once he realized the iPhone screen also shows what the camera is showing, he couldn’t bear to tear his eye away from either image.”

Reporters have so far been unable to reach the man directly. He spurns the messages from others, even prominent celebrities. Kim Kardashian attempted to gain Narcissus’s attention and leverage his legendary status to boost her own, but he rejected her advances, as well.

Unconfirmed reports place Narcissus in a Mediterranean forest, augmenting his devotion to a reflecting pool with his visage on a smartphone screen. The hunter’s father, the River God Cephissus, has refused to answer journalists’ questions on the matter, but one reporter recorded him mentioning the name “Nemesis.” Phone calls and text messages to Nemesis have similarly gone unanswered, but a number or journalists reported upon returning home in the evening that strangers kept ringing their doorbells and running away.