New IDF Drone Intercepts Hamas Sneezes

Field testing a device to prevent sneezes or coughs from reaching people on the Israeli side of the border.

Gaza Envelope, March 19 – Israel’s Combat Means Development Authority has produced a prototype device to interdict viral particles expelled by respiratory systems of the terrorist group that governs the neighboring Gaza Strip, military sources disclosed today.

The unit, known by its Hebrew acronym RAFAEL, deployed the first two experimental flightless vehicles earlier this week to the area abutting the Gaza Strip, from where Islamists from Hamas and allied Islamist militias have long fired rockets and artillery at Israeli communities. The additional threat of coronavirus, a spokesman for the unit explained, prompted RAFAEL to speed development and field testing of a device to prevent sneezes or coughs from reaching people on the Israeli side of the border.

“Hamas and its allies have for some time been trying to develop unconventional weapons,” noted RAFAEL spokesman Afozen Garon. “But coronavirus presents them with an opportunity that requires much less in the way of technological requirements to make that a reality. Sneezes propel particles at great speed, and pose a significant risk to anyone in the vicinity. Fortunately, we have revamped Trophy, Iron Dome, and other interception technology to detect, identify, locate, and neutralize malign sneezes and coughs before they reach Israeli airspace.” Trophy refers to a vehicle-mounted system that intercepts anti-tank missiles fired at the vehicle; Iron Dome intercepts ballistic missiles and artillery.

Garon declined to provide details on the technology that locates and identifies coronavirus pathogens from a safe distance, but independent experts surmise the airborne system uses a combination of spectrometry and other diagnostic imaging techniques. “Temperature, mass, and other properties can be sensed remotely, as can certain chemical compounds,” observed Dr. Dibburmeha Yashvan of Gujjarat State University. “From there it’s a relatively simple process to design an interdiction mechanism. The most challenging part of that would probably involve developing a way to trap and neutralize the pathogen from a distance, but Israel has overcome more imposing technological hurdles. Just look at how they control the media but somehow that media do nothing but criticize them. It’s uncanny.”

RAFAEL expects to have dozens of interception units operational within several weeks, pending successful trial runs. “So far we appear to be ahead of the curve,” stated Garon. “But we also have to anticipate events, such as the not-inconceivable prospect of Hamas launching actual coronavirus-positive patients into Israel. The challenge in that case is less interception than avoiding the inevitable international condemnation for not trying to avoid killing the Palestinian strapped to the missile.”

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