NGOs That Badmouth IDF Obviously More Patriotic Than You

You Neanderthal.

Tel Aviv, February 20 – Non-governmental organizations that make it their business to paint Israeli security forces in the most negative light possible not only occupy a higher moral plane than you, sources reported today, but also demonstrate a more worthy form of patriotism than yours.

Groups that monitor IDF interactions with Palestinians, and that publicize incidents that depict Israeli soldiers in a way calculated to portray them as brutal or inhumane have always shown that their ethical sensibilities lie far above yours. However, the new reports also indicate that those groups have greater love for their country than you do, since they are even willing to flat-out accuse Israel of crimes based on partial or tendentious evidence in an effort to get the IDF to improve itself, whereas you, pathetically, do not demand that the country you claim to love live up to idealized notions of how its army should behave.

The reports give short shrift to the tired notion that IDF soldiers perform critical security tasks day in and day out, preventing terrorist attacks and apprehending people suspected of involvement in terrorism, instead nobly insisting that the military be defined by its treatment of the Palestinians as demonstrated only by selected incidents specifically chosen for the negative impression those incidents convey. Such an approach, according to the reports, are manifestly the only way the country will ever, ever change its ways, which are just leading to disaster, don’t you know. This attitude contrasts markedly with your naive, obsolete sensibilities, which would show appreciation to the IDF for its constant, continuous operations that allow you and the people running the NGOs to live relatively normal lives unmolested by would-be stabbers, suicide bombers, gunmen, or homicidal drivers who wish you harm for being Israeli. You Neanderthal.

Experts attribute the clear-as-day superiority of the NGOs’ and left-wing political figures’ patriotism over yours to several factors. “Chief among the things that make their patriotism better and more profound than yours is the simple fact that they are on the Left, which automatically makes them more enlightened and ethical,” said analyst Tamar Zandberg. “Then we have the clear superiority and complexity of ‘tough love’ for Israel that the Kerry, Obama, and Indyk types love to pontificate about, over your parochial concerns about not being stabbed all the time. Add to that oodles of European funding, from countries with pristine moral records such as Germany, and the moral and patriotic weight just crushes anything you might have to say on the subject.”

“And you’re probably racist, to boot,” she added.