“We need an operation to discourage non-Jews from studying the book of Leviticus and certain passages of Deuteronomy, but we can accomplish that by adding all sorts of boring sacrificial ritual to the former, and make the latter look like it’s just repeating what Moses said earlier.”
Wilderness of Sinai, November 11 – Mossad officials voiced fury today following the emergence of leaks to the effect that the creatures the Torah bars Jews from consuming remain prohibited not because of the unclean nature of the beasts themselves, but as part of a secret arrangement between the Jewish secret intelligence organization and those creatures to allow those creatures to gain greater acceptance and access to non-Jewish circles and report on goings-on there. Mossad officials vowed to find the leakers and to take measures to prevent a recurrence.
Reports surfaced this week that the Biblical commandments to avoid eating non-cloven-hoofed, non-cud-chewing mammals; swine; camels; hyraxes; rabbits; many bird species; finless or scale-less aquatic creatures; and most creeping things except certain varieties of cricket and grasshopper, reflect an elaborate espionage operation, not merely an expression of divine will that the People of Israel adhere to certain dietary standards in keeping with their elevated spiritual status as befitting a Kingdom of Priests and Holy Nation. The anonymous sources asserted that the demonstrative avoidance of forbidden species is calculated to prompt hostile cultures and nations to raise those species in defiance, thus increasing the population and spread of same, whose reports provide the Jews with invaluable intelligence information.
“We’re in damage control mode,” acknowledged a Mossad section chief. “At this point what we need is probably an operation to discourage non-Jews from studying the book of Leviticus and certain passages of Deuteronomy, but we can accomplish that by adding all sorts of boring sacrificial ritual to the former, and make the latter look like it’s just repeating what Moses said earlier.”
Another operative who declined to provide any description of her position in the organization also hinted at the recent launch of a long-term effort to get non-Jews all over the world to view the Hebrew Scriptures as obsolete, replaced by other “new” testaments or prophetic revelations, or otherwise of secondary importance at most. Such a project would aim to get non-Jewish cultures focused on the non-ritual values of the Bible and the rejection of its dietary strictures, further cementing the intelligence value of the original program.
The incident marks the second embarrassing leak from the Mossad Scriptural Cabal Department in the last several years. An earlier scandal erupted after reports that an agent had carelessly let slip the existence of a seventh-century plot to spearhead the creation of a new faith called “Islam” designed to make Muslims look bad.
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