Nonexistent Palestinians Rally In Favor Of Concessions For Peace

A comprehensive demonstration in Ramallah of all the Palestinians ready to push their leaders to compromise for peace.

Ramallah, March 4 – A gathering of all the Palestinians in favor of a compromise peace settlement with Israel took place in Ramallah today. Police put the attendance at zero.

Flyers announcing the event did not go up several weeks in advance, and a Facebook page promoting the rally went up in the imagination of several Israeli left-wingers. Police had ample time to cordon off the necessary area of Ramallah’s main square, and traffic through the square was unimpeded during the event.

Several nonexistent Palestinian leaders who favor compromising on their demands in exchange for a comprehensive peace deal and a negotiated end to Israeli control of the territory they seek for a state addressed the crowd, which would have held aloft various placards and banners if there were such people. Their chants in favor of conciliation would have carried through the air, if such people existed and were actually permitted to voice such a sentiment.

“We are here to show that just as in Israel there are those who push for painful sacrifices in the hope of a lasting peace, we Palestinians will also pressure our leaders for peace, yes, even at the expense of things we have held dear for generations,” said nobody at all. “Abu Mazen, we’re here to let you know that we support real peace and a viable state, which is why we’re telling you it’s OK not to demand the effective destruction of Israel as a Jewish state,” continued no one, referring to Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas by his nickname.

Thundering through the square was the silence of the Palestinian voice for genuine peace as speakers who never were and likely never will be discussed the possible concessions that would ensure a durable agreement. “Ending incitement and stopping the hateful education of our children would be a painful step for some, but we can still live well without it,” noted not a single Palestinian. “The same goes for any insistence that Israel dismantle all the settlements in the West Bank – allowing some Jews to live here wouldn’t be the end of the world,” added others whose presence is not manifest in this universe.

Police reported no disturbances or friction between the demonstrators and passers by. Ramallah precinct commander Abdul Ahmad told a reporter, “What are you on?”

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