Obama Apologizes To Muslims For Anti-Jewish Kansas Attacks

Washington, DC, April 17 – President Obama expressed remorse today over the fatal shootings in Kansas this week, apologizing to Muslims for allowing Jews to be seen as victims.

Frazier Glenn Cross, 73, a known White Supremacist, went on a shooting spree in Overland park, a suburb of Kansas City, resulting in the deaths of three people. Although the sites of the two shooting incidents were affiliated with the local Jewish community, none of the three fatalities were Jews; one was Catholic and the others were Methodists. The White House issued a statement condemning the killings, calling the tragedy twofold: that non-Jews had to fall victim to the crime, and that any event that might generate sympathy for Jews could take place while he holds office. The statement asked the forgiveness of America’s Muslims for allowing such sympathy to accrue to some other religious group.

“In is unconscionable that in twenty-first century America a man can, with the pull of a trigger, manage to generate solidarity, even empathy, for non-Muslims,” read the statement. “In the name of all Americans of conscience, we beg the forgiveness of our Muslim countrymen and resolve to work diligently to prevent any cause for sympathy for anyone else, especially Jews.”

Muslim representatives welcomed the apology as a necessary first step. “We would have liked to see a more comprehensive expression of solidarity with our worldview,” said the director of the Council on American-Islamic Relations, Mahder Fahkir. “But this is at least a suitable preliminary indication that we are headed in the right direction, that eventually the non-Muslim establishment will acknowledge that no other religious or ethnic group is worthy of protection. We encourage our non-Muslim co-citizens to embrace their status as dhimmi.”

Other leaders said the statement did not go nearly far enough. “Where is the open condemnation of Israel? Where is the naked justifying of the act as a natural consequence of Jewish behavior?” wondered influential political commentator Max Blumenthal, whose Jewish followers number at least in the teens. “The president squandered a golden opportunity to state openly that violence against Jews can only be blamed on Jews, since nobody else has any agency.”

The White House offered no further comment Thursday, explaining that it did not wish to dwell on an incident that might remind people that in the US, Jews are targeted for hate crimes far more than Muslims.