Oh, ‘ENEMY.’ I Was Wondering What ‘The Zionist Enema’ Is

By Ayyaf Dayariyya, unemployed

Gaza City, March 29 – I’m glad you clarified what you just said, because the first time I heard it, I could have sworn you were vowing to destroy “the Zionist Enema,” and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what you meant. So thank you for correcting me.

Obviously a few more seconds of contemplation would have sufficed for me to come to that realization on my own, but in the meantime, my brain was racing to make sense of what I heard. I mean, we in Gaza get flooded with untreated sewage all the time – it’s a fact of life under Hamas, which appropriates all metal piping for the manufacture of rockets and other armaments, so our crumbling sewage and drainage infrastructure can’t handle the load, so to speak, and sploosh. It stinks. We can handle an enema or two! But yeah, that’s not what you meant in the end. So to speak.

Also, we Palestinians, despite our antipathy for the Zionists, make as much use of Zionist medical care as we can. They’re quite good at it, and they’ll treat anybody – so I couldn’t imagine for a moment what he problem would be with a Zionist enema. Since they’re so good at medical care, if they’re going to administer an enema, that would be the kind I want – and since they’re so good at medical care, you can bet your ass, as it were, that the patient is in need of an enema. They’re doing their duty as medical professionals. Good thing that’s not what you meant then!

What also confused me is how exactly we would oppose a Zionist enema. What do you do to counter it? Sew your butt closed? Seems self-defeating – not that we’re unaccustomed to self-defeating measures and policies, we Palestinians. But seriously – I can’t think of a single concrete step. Would it be something they put in our drinking water to make us lose bowel control? That’s not the same as an enema, you know. So of course I was confused.

I totally agree we have to oppose the Zionist Enemy and liberate our homeland from them, whether or not they induce our lower intestines to expel fecal matter like nobody’s business. We’d just run with it. It’s just that maybe you should speak more clearly when you talk about that. You wouldn’t want what you have to say to come out murky or anything.

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