Once Obama’s Out We’re Gonna Need Actual Lobbyists In Washington

By Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Supreme Leader, Islamic Republic of Iran

Tehran, March 3 – Barack Obama has ten months left in office. Much can happen in that time, but he has been a stalwart ally in reshaping American policy in the Middle East in our favor, despite our lack of formal diplomatic ties. His felicitousness , as useful as it has been, points to a crucial need as his time in the White House approaches its end: if we want Washington to continue allowing us regional hegemony, we cannot rely on Obama’s successor to be as accommodating. We’re going to need actual lobbyists presenting our case.

Lobbying for Iran in the US – especially in the US Congress – poses some very sensitive problems, not least because, certainly for now, both houses of that legislature harbor negative views about the Islamic Republic. Regardless of their infidel status and their shameful support of Sunni states such as filthy, heretical Saudi Arabia, come next January we won’t have an Obama running interference for us in Washington to undermine pro-Iran initiatives, and Congress may well have a freer hand to stymie our ambitions.

Moreover, the next president is unlikely to enjoy the same legitimacy in granting us far-reaching concessions, and significant lobbying pressure will be necessary to help the forty-fifth president pursue a policy that dovetails with ours – pressure not only on legislators, but on the president himself – or, just as likely, herself. It is unfamiliar territory for us, not having someone in the White House who arranges matters so that we get exactly what we want at minimal cost. But the fact that this dream scenario comes to an end in January 2017 means we’d better get our lobbying act together soon.

The biggest challenge, as I see it, lies in finding the right people to conduct the lobbying effort. The existing organizations and individuals, so helpful in smoothing the way toward the nuclear deal last year, only had such an impact because of the friendly attitude of the man in the Oval Office. We cannot expect to enjoy the same luxury this time next year. No, we need someone – several someones – with the connections, experience, rhetorical skills, and political acumen to take pro-Iran lobbying to the next level. Someone who can look veteran politicians in the eye and use his substantial leverage to sway them to our side, or at least not to oppose our ambitions.

Indeed, it looks like we have a lucrative and rewarding second career looming for one Barack Hussein Obama.