Oxfam To Recruit Judah After Encounter With Prostitute

Organization executives explained that the incident demonstrated to them his dedication to suppressing coverage of his sexual escapades.

Timnah, February 19 – A leading consortium of charities dedicated to fighting poverty in the developing world offered a high-ranking position to one of Jacob’s most prominent sons when it learned he possesses the most important characteristic the group seeks in relief work, a taste for transactional sex with local women.

Oxfam International reached out to Judah, son of Jacob, today, following revelations that Judah had engaged a harlot on the Timnah Road as an outlet for his lust. Organization executives explained that the incident demonstrated to them his mastery of numerous qualities essential for Oxfam field work, such as exploitative sexual desires, an ability to extract the value of non-currency assets in the context of cash-poor economies, and a dedication to suppressing coverage of his sexual escapades.

“We are hopeful Judah will entertain our offer,” declared Sweyn Galli, Chief Operating Officer at Oxfam. “We are looking for men who, when their inappropriate liaisons with prostitutes in undeveloped regions might come to light, are willing to let the women take the fall rather than face their own public shame.”

The incident in question began when Judah, recently widowed, herded his flocks to Timnah and encountered a harlot at the side of the road. A brief negotiation followed, during which Judah agreed to exchange a young goat for some casual sex. With the animal out of reach at the moment, Judah agreed to leave with the harlot several items indicative of his social status, as collateral. The tryst commenced and Judah continued on his way, later sending an agent with the animal to make good on his debt. The agent, however, proved unable to locate the prostitute, and returned to Judah without having succeeded in his mission. Judah attempted to keep the incident quiet, fearing the embarrassment at both the transaction itself and his failure to bring the incident to a satisfactory close, risking his prominent family’s reputation with the prospect of being seen as deceiving women into agreeing to sex in exchange for benefits they never receive.

“This is just the sort of thing we look for, here at Oxfam,” noted Phil Landerer, a former field coordinator for the organization’s relief efforts in Chad and Haiti. “The only reservation some of the higher-ups have about thus candidate is his uncomfortable, for us, association with Jewish settlement in Palestine. If we are to continue funding illegal structures for Palestinians and opposing Jewish homes there, we cannot send mixed signals by engaging someone so representative of Jews in the Holy Land.”

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