Paid Hasbara Trolls Notice They Have Never Been Offered Pay

Instead, the trolls have discovered, they have been engaging in these activities out of conviction that the prosperity and security of the world’s only Jewish State is a key value in their identity and sense of purpose.

Jerusalem, April 26 – The collective of social media and informal online Israel advocacy contributors who distort or deflect damning news about Israel in exchange for filthy lucre have never been offered or received money for such an arrangement, a representative of the group disclosed today.

Paid Hasbara trolls, whose job involves defending Israeli policies, dignity, and existence outside the framework of diplomacy and politics, have never actually been paid, observed spokesman Noah Duh. Instead, the trolls have discovered, they have been engaging in these activities out of conviction that the prosperity and security of the world’s only Jewish State is a key value in their identity and sense of purpose. He made the remarks in an interview this past Tuesday.

“I’ve been carrying around the title ‘Paid Hasbara Troll’ for as long as I can remember – basically ever since I joined some online forum in 2005,” he recalled. “I’m not even sure who gave it to me, but it must have been someone with authority, because it stuck. But it didn’t occur to me until recently that I’m not actually getting paid for this advocacy. As it turns out, the whole time I was led by my sense of morality, history, family, and hope to argue in favor of Israel and Israeli policies, and personal monetary gain never entered the picture. This revelation left me so confused.”

“I contacted other paid Hasbara trolls, who can be found just by looking for anyone who’s been called that online, and discovered they weren’t being paid, either,” he continued. “Every single one of us is actually doing this because of the rightness of the Zionist cause and the critical role it plays in securing the future of the Jewish people. None of us has been able to find a single payment from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, the Mossad, or whatever shadowy entity is supposed to be doling out the bribes. Unless they’re so shadowy that not even we know we’re getting paid.”

Opponents of the Paid Hasbara Trolls dismissed those assertions. “It’s common knowledge that these people can’t honestly be trying to defend such an atrocity as Zionism,” argued Biya Lemming, a leader of the Students for Justice in Palestine chapter at Tufts University. “Just as it’s common knowledge that the Holocaust never happened, and if it did, the Jews brought it on themselves, and that the Jews did 9/11, and they control the banks and media. Where else would they get these things called ‘facts’ to dispute my narrative?”

Please support our work through Patreon.