Palestinian Islamic Jihad Introduces Uniforms With “PRESS” On Front

“There’s been no organized effort to kill reporters and blame Israel. That changes with this initiative.”

Jenin, May 19 – A militant terrorist group focused on removing Jewish sovereignty from the Levant in the name of Allah has commissioned new fatigues for its fighters in the wake of hubbub over a journalist killed during the group’s shootout last week in this Palestinian-governed city: trousers and dark, long-sleeve tops with a white-background, blue-letter logo of the word “PRESS” on the chest and back.

Palestinian Islamic Jihad leaders announced the uniform today after observing the reflexive blaming of Israel among international news organizations for the shooting death of Al-Jazeera correspondent Shereen Abu Aqleh, whose demise, later examination of the evidence showed, resulted not from IDF fire at PIJ terrorists but from the indiscriminate fire of the terrorists themselves.

“The next logical step is to shoot Palestinians en masse and just say Israel did it,” explained PIJ senior commander Massiqr Demal. “But we have to work our way up to that. The first step was well underway years ago with everyone blaming Israel for deaths that Palestinian negligence or actual cynical malice caused in Gaza, with rockets falling short or being stored right near kids; you know the drill. On occasion the death of a journalist might also happen, but there’s been no organized effort to kill reporters and blame Israel. That changes with this initiative.”

Initial plans call for an entire battalion of PRESS-clad fighters to provoke confrontation with the Israeli military. Any consequent casualties among the PIJ fighters will allow the group and Palestinian propagandists in general to display the dead or wounded to prove Israel slaughters journalists. From there, only small conceptual and logistical leaps remain before mainstream media outlets such as the BBC and CNN report as fact Israel’s guilt in massacring Palestinian civilians that Palestinians have killed with exactly that outcome in mind.

“It’s a cognitive war as much as a military one, and perhaps even more so,” observed Alhaf Abu Tfuk of the allied movement Hamas. “Maybe we can’t overcome the Jews militarily, though we have to boast that we can, for recruitment and fundraising purposes. But we can undermine them by exploiting a biased world media to portray them as uniquely evil and oppressive, underserving of sovereignty or safety – you know, pretty much the attitude that everyone had until those uppity Jews decided to do things differently a hundred years ago. With Allah’s help we will reverse that development. We will fight to the last Palestinian to free Palestinians!”

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