Palestinian Official Torn Between Embezzling Aid Money And Paying Terrorists

“Could you explain exactly what the problem is here?” remarked a representative of the EU.

Hebron, February 18 – A Fatah faction bursar finds himself unable to decide whether to forward the promised financial incentives to the family of a man shot in an attempt to stab Israelis, or to deposit the EU- and NGO-provided funds – or a hefty portion of them – in his own offshore account, a representative of his office disclosed today.

A spokeswoman for Ma’ila Abu Sariqa, Al-Khalil (Hebron) Region Deputy Comptroller, told reporters Tuesday morning that her boss confessed feeling unable to come down firmly on either side of the dilemma: on one hand Palestinian Authority procedures ordain that he transfer the full amount to the bank account of the father of a local youth who succumbed to gunshot wounds following his failed attempt to kill a pregnant Israeli woman; on the other, precedent, custom, and the example of his superiors in both the Authority and the Fatah movement demand that he embezzle the monies, which came from the European Commission, various European governments, and international aid groups for purposes of assisting indigent locals and repairing infrastructure.

“The decision this time poses an even greater challenge than the dozens of others Mr. Abu Sariqa has handled,” stated Wafa Waddafuq. “In most previous cases, the amount in question was large enough to accommodate some skimming off the top that still left a respectable sum. This time, however, the martyr’s family comes from a clan currently on the outs with the Fatah leadership, and the amount of the payment falls far short of what others get. Skimming his customary amount would leave next to nothing for the actual martyr’s family, and that could result in some trouble if the wrong people find out. Taking any less than his customary amount, on the other hand, would be pointless – what is he, chopped liver? He should get bupkis? No, he worked hard kissing the right tuchuses his whole career and is not about to relinquish the privileges that accrue as a result. Quite the dilemma.”

Officials of the funding bodies and agencies declined to offer specific comment on their earmarked aid getting either embezzled or used to reward and encourage terrorist violence. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question,” remarked a representative of the European Commission in Israel. “Could you explain exactly what the problem is here?”

“No, that couldn’t be true,” insisted a Belgian government representative. “The Palestinian Authority said they would use the money properly, and we believe them. If you can’t believe them, whom can you believe?”

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