Palestinian Organs Are The Wrong Tissue Type For Us Apes/Pigs

By Dr. Simeon Hazir, Nephrologist, Ichilov Hospital

It’s time for the Palestinian leadership to make up its mind: either we Jews are harvesting the organs of the terrorists we kill, or we’re the descendants of apes and pigs. The two are mutually exclusive from a medical standpoint. So I wish they would make up their minds.

If, as so many Muslim sources and preachers insist, we Jews are the progeny of apes and swine, then any attempt to use such organs to save Jewish patients would constitute a futile effort: ape tissues, despite the evolutionary closeness to those of humans, will almost certainly reject a transplant from a human. While some pig organs have been experimentally transplanted into humans, no one has ever tried it the other way around, and such operations are similarly unlikely to meet with success.

From both a medical and economic perspective – and we must admit that economics always influences medical policy – the organ-harvesting charge makes little sense. The complex logistics involved in identifying the desired donor tissue type, locating a potential donor, and confirming a match are only the beginning. In the case of several vital organs, those organs are only usable if removed from a patient within a certain number of minutes after death. In the case of, for example, the heart, the donor must be merely brain dead, which is a rarity. Those factors already make the process expensive, delicate, and risky. To remove Palestinian organs, store them, test them, transport them, and transplant them could hardly be expected to enjoy likely success if the recipients were human. If they’re the descendants of apes and pigs, it’s entirely pointless, and a colossal waste. The economic factors similarly rule out the trafficking of those organs to recipients abroad, where the huge outlay is only made for a specific organ, for a specific patient with a match confirmed beforehand. Otherwise it’s just ludicrous. Especially if you’re an ape/pig, as we’re supposed to be.

I’m not going to address the other absurdities of the organ-harvesting accusation and the simian-porcine-ancestry slur at any length. Those lie outside my field of expertise. But I will say that on a societal level it makes no sense to accuse us of taking those organs: if Palestinians are so disgusting that our soldiers won’t even deign to rape them, what self-respecting Jew is going to want a Palestinian heart beating within him? We shall leave that aside, however, and concentrate on the science.

The science is clear: either we’re swine-ape descendants in the guise of humans, or we’re human. So one of the accusations is clearly false. And since everyone always calls out Palestinian officials on the inaccuracy of their pronouncements, we can now expect the international media to do so, and hold such people accountable.

I’ll be holding my breath. But not for too long, because who knows where I’ll find a donor if my lungs don’t hold out?