Palestinians Call Rahab Zionist Collaborator

Police officials said Rahab ran a brothel in the wall of the city.

Jericho, June 23 – Palestinian security officials announced today they will seek the arrest of Rahab the harlot, whom they accuse of collaborating with the Zionist occupation of this city.

Riydat Adma, a Fatah spokesman, said his organization convinced Palestinian Authority officials to issue a warrant for Rahab’s detainment and interrogation, both to penalize her for violating Palestinian law and to determine what, if any, intelligence she has divulged to her Zionist handlers.

“We fear this Rahab person, already known to be of loose morals, may also have committed treason against our people, and we will apprehend her and bring her to justice,” promised Adma. “At the moment she has gone to ground, and no one appears to know where she or her family have fled. It is possible they have escaped to Zionist-held territory, but when we drive the colonialist invaders out of the land we will not forget to seek out and exact retribution from those who undermine their own people.”

Police officials said Rahab ran a brothel in the wall of the city, and its clientele included high-ranking figures in Palestinian society, putting her in a position to gain information potentially valuable to the Zionists. “We cannot directly assess the damage at this point, but it is worrisome,” allowed an official who spoke on condition of anonymity.

Rumors circulated before Rahab’s disappearance that Zionist spies had infiltrated the city. Unconfirmed reports placed the spies at Rahab’s brothel, where, it is assumed, the comings and goings of other travelers and local clients would obscure their presence. The harlot, however, denied they were there, instead directing Palestinian enforcement authorities to the road leading out of the city where, she claimed, the spies had fled before the city gates were closed for the night. A search party assembled to track the Zionist spies was unable to detect them.

An undercurrent of panic has taken hold of Palestinians in Jericho. “We really need to find out what the Zionists know,” said government spokesman Flak Sidd. “Not that we’re afraid of the infidels, since Allah is on our side. We’ll drive them into the… well not the sea. That would make no sense. They’re coming from the east. Dammit, those rams’ horns are annoying. Someone ought to go to the UN and get the Zionists to put a stop to that cacophony. Every single day, a procession and shofar blasts. Talk about collective punishment.”

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