Palestinians In Israeli Prison Riot After Pizza Toppings Restricted

“It is bad enough that the Zionists restrict our God-given right to kill them – now they deprive us of essential items for living.”

Ofer Prison, August 15 – Inmates serving time for terrorism and terrorism-related offenses barricaded themselves in the cafeteria and began hurling food and other objects at guards in response to an announcement that only olives and onions would be available this week as additions to the scheduled Thursday pizza supper. A spokesman for the inmates called the move an illegal abridgment of their rights and demanded that military prison authorities restore and even expand the menu options.

Administrators at this facility north of Jerusalem curtailed pizza toppings in advance of today’s evening meal following a reported increase in smuggling activity, a disciplinary measure that the unit commander stated will last until all contraband has been removed from circulation. Prisoners organized this morning at breakfast to protest this violation of their human rights, which they claimed adds insult to injury over already having their civil right to harm Jews infringed by being in prison in the first place.

“We will not stand for this new injustice,” declared self-appointed representative Bebba Roni. “It is bad enough that the Zionists restrict our God-given right to kill them – now they deprive us of essential items for living. As Al-Aqsa is the lifeblood of every true Muslim, so sausage, peppers, pineapple, anchovies, mushrooms, broccoli, and peppers are the lifeblood of the noble Palestinian. The world must cut short this latest outrage of the infidel usurper of our sacred land.”

Prison authorities explained that the list of pizza toppings has contained five options for the last several years, following a ten-year period in which only mushrooms and onions were available; before that time, no pizza appeared on the Ofer Prison menu. Negotiations with Palestinian leaders over conditions in military prisons for security-related offenses led to the improved menu, but that too has transformed into yet another realm where each side jockeys for political advantage. The options had included onions, mushrooms, peppers, green olives, and black olives.

Human rights groups demanded that Israel restore the menu to its prior state. “These prisoners already suffer from unconscionable detention,” asserted Amnesty International spokesperson Moe Tzarella. “Most of these inmates are in fact children over the age of 20. Israel’s treatment of these minors is already shameful, but this latest development only underscores the moral rot that has set in as a result of the occupation.”

A similar episode at a different prison occurred when hunger-striking Palestinian activists demanded chocolate-covered wafers to help them sustain the hunger strike.

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