Palestinians Insist Original Mysterious Monolith Theirs But Jews Stole It

“Yet another instance of Zionists usurping our national heritage.”

Ramallah, December 7 – The bizarre story of a series of metallic standing stones that appear and then disappear in various places around the world – first in Utah, then California, then Romania, then the Isle of Wight – gained a political wrinkle today as Palestinian officials claimed that just like their homeland, the structure belongs to them but that the Jews usurped it and that the international community must punish the Jews for that act, or at least enable the Arabs to punish the Jews in whatever degrading, violent manner Palestinians see fit.

Hikers discovered a strange, silvery monolith in a mountainous region of Utah last month, only to discover several days later that someone had removed it. The same, or a similar, monolith then turned up in California, followed by an appearance in Romania. Speculation on social and other media has centered around the bizarre phenomenon as possible buildup to some promotional campaign such as a Super Bowl commercial, or perhaps merely an elaborate prank. Palestinian officials and activists, however, always eager to co-opt any publicity to suit their own ends, have now sought out NGOs and media personalities to advance the argument that the monolith or monoliths are the rightful property of the Palestinian people, just like the land that those dastardly Jews stole from them by returning to the indigenous Jewish homeland and reestablishing Jewish sovereignty there after nearly two thousand years.

“This is yet another instance of Zionists usurping our national heritage,” charged Nabil Shaath, once an adviser to the late Palestinian President Yasser Arafat. “Countless numbers of our ancestors lived, uh, did, uh, whatever it is people do with monoliths, I guess, until the Jew came along and raped the land and took its treasures for themselves. And the world does nothing as they pile on injustice after injustice. The appearing-disappearing monoliths are an integral part of Palestinian culture and history!”

Electronic Intifada founder and editor Ali Abunimah offered clarification of Shaath’s argument. “The tired Zionist argument is that Palestinian national identity didn’t exist until the 1960’s at least, and that it’s meaningless to speak of ‘Palestinian history.’ But what those dishonest propagandists ignore is that Palestinian history is whatever Palestinians say it is, and who cares what so-called ‘mainstream’ archaeologists and historians say, because the Jews have bought them all anyway, except the real academics, the ones you know are real because they devote themselves to justifying everything we ever do to Jews. Those are the ones who will confirm these monoliths are ours.”

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