Palestinians To China: Have You Tried Fighting Coronavirus With Terrorism?

“Accepting anything other than total triumph, total humiliation of the disease before you drive it into the sea, would constitute betrayal.”

Ramallah, February 25 – Leaders of the Palestinian national liberation movement repeated their offer offer of assistance this week to the People’s Republic of China in the latter’s efforts to combat a virulent respiratory epidemic, suggesting that Beijing adopt the methods Palestinians have employed for a hundred years against Jews: stabbing, bombing, hijacking, shooting, ramming, and hostage-taking, among others.

China’s struggle to date to contain the spread of coronavirus prompted Palestinian Authority President and PLO Chairman Mahmoud Abbas and several of his high-ranking officials to restate their suggestions, amid concerns that the original offer of assistance last week may have gone unnoticed in the furor. Abbas sent a personal message to Chinese President Xi Jinping with specific mention of the Palestinian people’s extensive experience with many of the methods, even those such as hijacking that only some older veterans of the resistance still know.

“It would be our honor and privilege, not to mention our duty, to assist your country in any way we can,” Abbas stated. “I would like to place at your disposal our vast knowledge of techniques to drive away this trouble, as we have amassed more than a century of experience in this arena, fighting the Zionist scourge.”

“Our first recommendation involves bombings, shootings, and general mayhem aimed at undefended members of the pathogen’s society,” he explained. “Striking at the virus’s families, their most vulnerable, will go a long way toward making the disease feel unwelcome in your country, and help prevent it from establishing a permanent presence or any kind of control.”

“If that doesn’t drive the disease away,” added his adviser Saeb Erekat, “you may have to enlist your allies and neighbors to invade. This may carry the risk of a loss of potential sovereignty, but the risk is worth it, and in any case you can continue the bombings, shooting, and other attacks until the last virus is eliminated. If necessary, you may commandeer civilian airliners and threaten to kill everyone aboard if the virus refuses to cooperate.”

“The key is to always view your ultimate victory as assured and imminent, no matter what anyone else says, or the facts they point out,” he continued. “Discouraging news is almost as big an enemy as the Zionis- I mean the virus itself. If you find, over time, that despite, or even because of, your methods, the virus has only grown stronger, taken over more and more, the absolutely wrong thing to do would be to concede anything to reality. At this point your entire identity and sense of worth is defined by your fighting this enemy, and accepting anything other than total triumph, total humiliation of the disease before you drive it into the sea, would constitute a betrayal of the thousands of your own people you sacrificed along the way.”

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