Parties Surprised To Learn Former General In Ranks Not A Requirement

“It had always bothered me that certain parties seemed to flout that law and no one said anything about it.”

Jerusalem, December 27 – High-ranking officials in Israel’s various political parties gearing up for elections this coming April voiced astonishment upon discovering that nowhere in the country’s laws governing the electoral process does there appear a provision that parliamentary candidate rosters must include near the top a former member of the IDF above the rank of colonel.

Leader of almost all of the country’s major parties shared the sense of bewilderment when a reporter mentioned the lack of such a requirement this morning, including the dominant delegations in the Coalition and Opposition. Representatives from Likud and the Zionist Union, under normal circumstances bitter rivals, united for several moments in confusion as they pondered why they had always assumed a general must feature among a party’s senior leadership.

“I thought it was as close to a constitutional provision as we have,” admitted Minister of Absorption Yariv Levin of Likud as he scratched his head, referring to Israel’s lack of a formal constitution. “You mean it’s not written anywhere? I thought the reason everyone wants a general in their party ranks is that there has to be one. It certainly doesn’t confer any greater credibility or effectiveness.”

“Well, paint me purple and call me Barney – it’s not the law?” wondered an open-mouthed MK Tzipi Livni, co-chair of the erstwhile Zionist Union alliance between Labor and Hatnua, at the head of the Opposition. “I thought there was actual substance to chasing after retired generals to join parties, or establish them outright. One gets the sense it’s all for show, in that case. Who knew?”

“You know, it had always bothered me that certain parties seemed to flout that law and no one said anything about it,” noted Minister of Construction Yoav Galant, himself the former Chief of Southern Command. “The Haredi parties, obviously, since they and their voters don’t serve in the military, and of course the Joint List parties that represent mostly Arabs, who are also exempt. Huh. It does make more sense this way, now that you point it out.”

MK Ilan Gilon of the Meretz Party observed that military credentials mean little in Israeli politics. “You don’t need the supposed gravitas a former general carries when you’re giving away parts of your ancestral homeland to a terrorist entity,” he explained. “I mean, it might help a bit in public relations, but a career politician can sign the order to forcibly remove Jews from their homes just as easily as a guy two years out of uniform.”

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